See how God connects the dots of your life.

Free Hug

A hug can lower the blood pressure.

Just a while ago, I saw my little cousin being beaten by her mom and it just breaks my heart.

Let's say after such a long time, I wasn't used of seeing those kind of things again. It was a long time a go when I myself realized I was beaten by my mum. Well, I guess it went to hard that it didn't have any positive effect on me aside from fear. Oui. Probably, adults nowadays think that one way of hastening a person in this generation should be physically - i bet it also existed long time ago, but since this country is very family and church doctrine oriented it helped in lowering the case of child abuse. 

I wonder how barbaric the world could've been if Christianity wasn't introduced.

I wander how bitter every generation could've been.

I wonder if there's redemption from themselves.

The time I started carrying the word Christian within me, it was such a great relief. I am slowly becoming optimistic and I can say that I am improving with self-control. It is all thanks to Jesus ♥ And remembering what happened just now really pains me. My chest tightens for the tears my little cousin has shed. I mean, I just realized that too much usage of words, loud and deep voices, painful physical discipline weren't supposed to be in that situation.

Children.

I believe, if one understands this word well there will be lots of free-spirited children in this world. Those children that brings joy to every person they meet; those children that would really make them shine wherever they go.

They don't deserve harsh words. They don't deserve even a lay of finger. They don't deserve a painful disdain glare.

They are just bunch of kids, still wandering the world. I believe the span of being a child is short and that's when there world starts to bright. If we, those who are older than them brings the darkness we've got, we've known, don't you think its unfair that they won't be that person they should've been because of the restrictions, the limitations, the fear we have gotten into them? We need to wake up!

I love my tita. I love my dear cousin too. My tita is the one person I really cherish the most aside from my family and friends. She's one closest to my heart, she's the one to make me love that little angel she and her wife had brought into this world.

My tito's bitterness.

My mom's bitterness.

My dad's bitterness.

My tita's bitterness.

These all, I have seen - from them to the people around me; I wouldn't exclude myself from that. The time I learned that life could've been better if there was this and that, I knew I started to get bitter. Under that kind of state makes the person resent the past, wants to roll it over again and change it, then have its own way. Selfish isn't it?

My little cousin has a fever. And my tita's got a hard itchy and painful upper name.

The situation makes me sad. The situation makes me think "this was the reason why i am like this: aloof, taking things alone and serious, impatient, despicable". 

Well, I'm blessed that salvation has already come upon me. I am no longer the person that I thought I am. So how do you think will these family around me handle every situation? From the fact that they have known; from what they think it's best. Don't you think there's another way better than that?

Jesus. It's all because of Him that I was able to realize these things. His compassion. His love for every people around Him - young or old.

Healing. That's what this household needs.

Just this moment, I have decided to be steadfast in prayer for this family, not for their stability in life but also for their salvation.

I know my tita's getting all worked up because she needs to work hard for survival.
I know my cousin just wanted to play and have friends  because it's first day of school.
Well there's no stopping in it. No depriving of it. No more holding back.
I wanted them to know and understand that life is beautiful; life is more than the limitations we've got in our minds. And that's because of Jesus. He's the one who made us from from all of the things that holds us back from living a beautiful life.

Sure Imma give a tight hug for my little cousin tomorrow~


Someday, definitely someday, I need to make them meet Him.

I am blessed to have them.

Thank you O God for making me a part of this family.

I believe Redemption has just come into this household.

Let Your mighty hand heal their wounded hearts.

Father, I am not deserving of coming before You and speak my petitions;

but O God, let me be and hear my petitions for my beloved family.

Lord, Hear that you have revived me into a new person

and so I believe You could do the same to them.

Lord, You alone can heal the unseen wounds.

Lord, You alone can carry the unseen burdens.

Lord, You alone can wipe the unseen tears within our souls.

O Lord, make us rise up from Your forgiveness

for You are Beyond O Lord.

Hallelujiah! Praise the Lord Forever!

Holy Spirit of God, continue to move in our lives.

Continue to convict us of the Father's righteousness

that we may live a life pleasing unto Him.

O Father, thank You for allowing Jesus to die on the cross

that we may restore our broken relationship with You.

O Jesus, my Lord, thank You for proving to us

that living a life following the Father is nothing to fear

but something to cherish, to nourish, to be for our own good.

Thank You for making us worthy once again 

from the condemnation of ourselves and be called Your sibling,

Your little lamb, Your servant, Your beloved.

Forever, my heart will sing praises for You.

Forever, my soul will bow down and worship You.

Strengthen us with Your love Father.

Extend our patience and understanding

with Your mercy and forgiveness.

Thank You for the everyday protection,

for the joy You offer,

for the chastening You have brought,

and for the chances You have given.

Thank You for the will that You have given to us.

You sure know what's best for us by making us realize that

life has a lot to offer. We may choose a wrong decision but

it's when we learn what hope is and chooses a to unwind

with the right decision to go on. 

Lord, You made us enjoy life with the choices.

Lead us O Lord back into Your arms as our choices, decisions,

perspective lead us into quest.

Hallelujiah O Lord!

Let Your blessings pour out to Your people.

Have Your way in us;

Let Your will be done always.

In Jesus name I pray,

AMEN and AMEN.

^^ 

The hand.

ugh~ so humiiid >..<


anyways, i need to get back writing.


God tells me that I am not weak, yet as a girl i need to be gentle in my ways. He even encourages me to be courageous in my stand and to get stronger every time i'm facing things that definitely would test my faith.


In everything we do, the enemy would always try to get in the way. It would either the enemy would try to destruct us before, during or after the time that we have decided to give it to God. Now, as for my experience, I just happen to realize that what happened was really a test of how firm will I be with my covenant with Him.


He's been telling me to do this, and that. He keeps on calling my name, yet I was all drowned in my slumber. What a sleepyhead I have been. Hands up; I surrender.


He told me to reschedule my prayer time.
He called my name.
He told me that loving is a choice; Love is the power He gave us within.
He told me to never stop dreaming.
He told me to look at the cross in front of me.
He told me to live a life that is limitless.
He told me to refocus myself back to the Father - whatever is going on.
He told me that the dream I've been asking is already in me - it may seem impossible but His power will supersede my ability and His greatness of His power will bring to pass every dream and desires He have placed in me.
He told me that He is BIG.
He told me that if I've got problems, I should pray for others aside from myself - it's no longer about me; besides, seeing that those people you have prayed for has been delivered will re-freshen you from getting burnt-out.
He told me that I need to take a grip of the situations around me - He wants me to handle it choosing love.
He told me to not be entangled with emotions again, to be slow in anger and words.

Hihi. :D Looking for what on what lies ahead.

Leaving out the rest

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

'cause there's You... and me.

it's been a while since I've blogged for my  own. i'm not in the right state of my mind right now; doing things my own, so stubborn, driven by emotions - in other words, I'm no good. seriously. sigh. all i think is that i'm bad, all i do is a failure, i need to do this, i need to do that, i should've-could've-would've done that - I'M TIRED. for some reasons, i wanna get away from the world i used to be, from the world that can't meet my expectations. i know, i know - i'm being like this and like that. it's really hard when there are 2 things inside you that is really fighting, and what's more hard is when you yourself see the mistakes you've done along the way. no saving of myself, no redemption. i used to tell others to not stay in this kind of state - living this PITY PARTY for a shot of time; and when it becomes to be "for a moment" its when you will find for an escape. truth be told, yes, i tried to be strong but i really can't be. i'm always reaching my limits when i see things aren't going the way i wanted it to be. my sister once told me that this is my problem in life - i this and that, NOW; i don't care what it takes but this is what i want. too selfish right?

i wanna go away from a place where i can just lay down and look up the starfield. i wanna go there and be still, be silent, close my eyes and talk with Him. i more likely want to tell Him how hard my situation now is, hating myself, the way i do, failing Him, failing the people around me. bitterness. selfishness. i've got a lot of issues, i think it was right after enrollment.

sigh. lies. i dug my own grave. so stupid. i frustrate myself. i over think things. i do not speak. RRR. this makes me more likely get angry with myself. it makes me so tired; the spirit gets quenched, grieved. i go irritated easily. no matter how i try to rebuke myself, it won't get settled. this is what it means by: the body is willing but the spirit is weak. i guess, my spirit isn't that well equipped since for some time i took him for granted. sigh. everything, i took it for granted. i really seemed lost. a thought happened to cross my mind - that whatever i am doing right now, it's all excuses; i'm not facing what will help me in the future.

i admit defeat.

for sometime, God has provided me with scriptures that could really help me before anything happens. and just as everything tries to fall down, its ironic that my heart won't take any thing that she knows would help her. my heart has become unteachable, right? and i think it really needs to break. it's fine by me you know, i too admit that i need some chastening. i don't want a heart that is like this. i know it's not healthy for me. i know God is the best for me.

i know i'm not the one living in this life anymore. i'm just a mere servant that's in total awe in her Master. ♥

i've got to get calmer. i've got to have patience. i've got to look at the cross in front of me. i've got to look at the stars twinkling before me. i've got to listen with the raindrops outside the house. i've got to see that this is no more about me. i've got lost and nowhere to be found. 

i've lost my dreams, my life. but i know my joy awaits everyday. Jesus has saved me from all of these self-dependence. i know He's leading into where He wants me to be. i believe that everything is fine. 

He's enough for me. 

He's my hope. 

He's my salvation. 

He's my fortress. 

He's my shelter. 

He hears my prayers.

He's in me.

He loves me.

He won't get tired of me.

He would never let me go.

He smiles at me.

He's proud of me.

He's always calling for my name specially when everything starts to get a little bit wrong.

He's delivered me from my own misery. I just need to recall what He tells me and focus on things He want me to do. 

Trust Him; everything will be established :)

I'll be found in You.