Ah. How I missed this page.

Hi there! It's been a year without an update on this online journal. Well I hope to get back soon. ☺️

Anyway, leaving these 2 songs to sum up how I've been.

Heavy - Anatu

Sa Bawat Sandali - Amiel Sol

The calling that God placed on your life is so large that you need Him in order to fulfill it. So seek Him everyday, and He'll direct you there.

"God will show you your vision, but never tell you how you're gonna get there. And the reason why, is because your vision is a glimpse of your end. Between the end and where you are is called the plan. The plan is the process that takes you to your destination. God will tell you your end, like he showed Joseph, he showed  Joseph the throne. He's sitting on the throne, ruling, feeding his brothers. That's the end. God showed you your end. He showed each one of you your end. Everybody got a dream. But he never fails to tell you the plan. Why? Because if he ever told you the plan, you would tell him, " Forget the destination." Because the plan is to prepare you for the destination. So He takes you to all these different things to develop you.  If Joseph knew that he has to go through a pit and prison to get to the throne, he'd tell God, "Forget the throne." So your plan is secret to God. Right now where you are maybe not where you want to be but it's part of the plan."

"Defiance is solved with connection, not correction."

Defiance often pushes a parent's buttons. After all, we're supposed to be in charge, right? Defiance rubs our nose in the fact that we can't really control another person, whether he's three or thirteen unless we use force. And who wants to be that parent?⁠

And when we overreact to defiance, we escalate the battle because force creates resistance, either openly or in a passive-aggressive form. It's ultimately a losing strategy. (You might win the battle, but you'll lose the war.) ⁠

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So what can a parent do about defiance?⁠

Kids are defiant for a reason: they feel controlled and pushed around, and they need some positive ways to experience power, autonomy and agency in their lives. ⁠

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A defiant child may reject the parent at this moment because they feel disconnected from them. This may mean the relationship needs some repair work, or maybe the child is in "fight or flight" and simply needs some time to move back into regulation so the adult no longer looks like the enemy. ⁠

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Punishment only makes the disconnection worse. It feels unfair, creates more upset and disconnection, and pushes kids towards more defiance in one form or another. Defiance is solved with connection, not correction.⁠ - Repost from Laura Markham at AhaParenting.com

Why do I want to see you? What do I want from you? My heart knows you too well. Saaadt.

2023

Heeeeey. It seems like forever since the last time I wrote down my thoughts heeeere. A lot of things happened and I'll try to catch up one of these days. 

See you soonest! <3

Yesterday's probably one of worse day of my life. I rarely identify bad feelings but I know it's a depressing one. No matter how I workout, divert my attention or talk it out, the burden is still unloaded. Then you whispered in the middle of my anxious and worried mind, "I will." Lord, You promised yourself to me. And I know for every oath that comes from your mouth, it brings life and thrives. Just like a mighty lion's roar is heard in all of the jungle, so is Your Word consuming my soul. Lord, continue to help my unbelief. From this day onwards, may I be Your witness of Your goodness and faithfulness. I just thought a while ago how life can be so hard but it's not yet the end. I'm tired of thinking that it's not my time when this is indeed the time. The Lord knows how I easily give up and be dishearted if what I tried to pursue is tested, but I also realized what if it's something that God wants me to continually ask, knock and seek. Lord my heart is weak amd my soul is faint, but You O Lord is my portion forever. Lord, as long as You Father me in this lifetime, I will follow you. I will keep on believing that Your best comes in Your timing, Your will, and Your way. Let Your will be done, Lord. May You be most glorified as You find me seeking to be most satisfied in You. Forgive me for not loving; Be the source of my love now and forever. In Jesus' name. I believe.

It's new year, but this sadness is still here. It feels lonely.