Yesterday's probably one of worse day of my life. I rarely identify bad feelings but I know it's a depressing one. No matter how I workout, divert my attention or talk it out, the burden is still unloaded. Then you whispered in the middle of my anxious and worried mind, "I will." Lord, You promised yourself to me. And I know for every oath that comes from your mouth, it brings life and thrives. Just like a mighty lion's roar is heard in all of the jungle, so is Your Word consuming my soul. Lord, continue to help my unbelief. From this day onwards, may I be Your witness of Your goodness and faithfulness. I just thought a while ago how life can be so hard but it's not yet the end. I'm tired of thinking that it's not my time when this is indeed the time. The Lord knows how I easily give up and be dishearted if what I tried to pursue is tested, but I also realized what if it's something that God wants me to continually ask, knock and seek. Lord my heart is weak amd my soul is faint, but You O Lord is my portion forever. Lord, as long as You Father me in this lifetime, I will follow you. I will keep on believing that Your best comes in Your timing, Your will, and Your way. Let Your will be done, Lord. May You be most glorified as You find me seeking to be most satisfied in You. Forgive me for not loving; Be the source of my love now and forever. In Jesus' name. I believe.

"Good relationships add to your life. They don’t take away from it."

Sometimes, you just gotta suck-up feeling alone.

Whatever purpose I may have in their lives, may I serve it well. God, whatever Your will is, let it be done.

Hays. Ayaw lang jud kagive up sa imong self, Rau.

I don't understand why I'm feeling this way... Like Lord, I've been pretty much doing everything... Everyday, my heart and flesh fails choosing you... Tell me, what else should I do? Am I putting my faith in the wrong truths? Lord, I'm tired of believing that I will get better... that things will still get better... I feel like I can't.

My thoughts and emotions have been restless... and I know You know and see my anxious heart. Why am I so listless. Why can't just enjoy a day without thinking something will get wrong. Days that I can just be free... I'm tired of understanding... everything... everyone...

To think that I have a family, a work, a special someone, money, and time to squander... yet I always find everything not enough... there will always something to adjust... it's not that they are not enough, but I am. And I am so spent, God. 

I don't have anything to give anymore.

"I love you so hard it hurts."

There are really days that I don't know anymore. I don't understand a thing. And trying to figure out how everything will work out, is worse. I thought I'd like to enjoy, but I don't know how to. I thought of starting over again, but I don't know where and how to. Better not thinking anything, but just live today. How can I be so serious about life like this?? Uwaa. Nakakapagod.

mercy, mercy

The key to becoming is beholding. Becoming is a springing identity. So it's more of a, we become who, not what, we behold. What is talking about the process of change, while who focuses on the identity building. Now, who are we beholding to become, in order to love and lead.

If someone loves you, he will honor, respect and wait for you. - Pastor Toch

It pierced through. He was speaking to all the ladies inside the room. I knew he was personal to every soul because he spoke like our own father. He spoke right through our longings.

Lord, I can't imagine how still you have been blessing me. Protecting and pursuing me in ways so visible in my eyes. Yet, here I am, still convinced with my justifications. Rebellion. Religion. Restlessness. These have kept me from believing, trusting and receiving Your breakthroughs, Your promises. Lord, I pray that you overcome me, consume me, overtake me with Your loving kindness. Have mercy on me. My soul only longs to honor and worship Your name. Lord, You are holy. Your ways are righteous. And You are good. Lord, save me from myself. Change me. I yield to You. I surrender.

day twenty four

"True humility is not something we can achieve. It is not self-help or a life hack but a response to God's inconvenient initiative and uncomfortable help."

"I am thinking, if one person is changed by what I go through, then it's worth it."

day twenty three

Hi Lord.

Yang it feels like everyone is moving. Going here from there. From being my constants, they are now somehow becoming my uncertainties. But they're expanding territories, as it should be, as how You want it to be. They are in tough situations yet have amazing faith and plans that change them inside-out. They have beautiful dreams. And really, amazing people. 

God, I pray that you bless their obedience. I pray that you keep them as they get out of their comfort zone and step.out in faith. I pray that you continually guide them. I pray that you mighty move in their midst. I pray for favor upon favor in every transactions and decisions that they will be making. I pray that you grace them with Your Presence wherever they may be and may they continually honor You at home, at school, at work, or in their priorities. God, I thank You for the lives of these people who are obeying You. They are indeed and greatly a blessing to me and the people arounf them.

I pray for Gee Ann, Aya and Clarisse. That they wiil grow in loving Your Word. I pray that You create in them a heart the desires for You. I pray that for everyday of their lives, they will be filled with love, patience, joy and hope. I pray that You let them taste and see your goodness and faithfulness incomparably. Jesus, thank you for their lives.

God, though I quite know where he's going. It still made me sad, somehow, to hear directly his plans. No assurance for anything; such a courageous one. I pray that You provide where Your will and his obedience meet. I pray that you bless the works of His hands and may You give life to every word that he speaks. I pray for Your Spirit to be upon him. I pray that You still his heart with Your goodness and grace. I pray that Your joy, hope and love overtake him. Satisfy his longing soul. Captivate him by your beauty. He is Your son, whom You are well pleased. A man after Your own heart. You are in his midst so he will not fear evil, for You are his Shepherd. You rejoice and dance over him with a loud singing. You love him with an everlasting love. And he will rise and shine and proclaim that You are the Great I Am.

And as for me, God, I pray that I will get to love to know You better and deeper. I pray to become a presence safe and healing. I pray to become someone who loves her family and her home. I pray that You give me wisdom to live my remaining days. I pray that, in the name of Jesus, to live for the rest of my life in the fullness of Your love, joy, peace and grace. 

I pray for my family, God, that You make them turn to You. I pray that You protect them from all harm and danger and sickness. 

I pray for the ladies in the victory group, that they will have a heart for You, my God. May Your Word come knocking in their hearts, and may their soul continually seek You. I pray that You secure and grace them everyday with Your protection and love and peace.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for the self control. For taking care of me everyday. For making me calm when anxities and fears come harrassing me. Thank you.

I pray for every heart in the leaders retreat, God. That you give us rest amd peace. God, though some may be overwhelming, help us live today and move forward. Give us faith for Your will be done in our lives. 

In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion; shout O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! The Lord has taken away the judgements against you; he has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst; you shall never again fear evil. On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:14-17) The Lord, the Lord , a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin. (Exodus 34:6-7) The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. (Exodus 14:14)

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Gospel of Hope for Self-Haters

Don't worry, Rau. Get some sleep. Rest. You'll be alright.

BEHOLD YOUR KING. Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king is coming to you; (Zechariah 9:9) In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

"I know it feels like no one's around but baby you're wrong. Just get rid of the fear and I promise I'll be here, I'll never be gone.

Lord 😭

"Unmade decisions have the power to either close us up in fear or open us to love. This both the burden and gift of our indecision. We get to choose which one we carry. What this week will do for you, I hope, is begin to create space within your soul and on your schedule for you to remember who you are, where you love and why it matters. In turn, you'll learn to name the unnamed things within you and discern with God what your next right thing could be."

That's how you conquer, when you get to name it.