The calling that God placed on your life is so large that you need Him in order to fulfill it. So seek Him everyday, and He'll direct you there.

"God will show you your vision, but never tell you how you're gonna get there. And the reason why, is because your vision is a glimpse of your end. Between the end and where you are is called the plan. The plan is the process that takes you to your destination. God will tell you your end, like he showed Joseph, he showed  Joseph the throne. He's sitting on the throne, ruling, feeding his brothers. That's the end. God showed you your end. He showed each one of you your end. Everybody got a dream. But he never fails to tell you the plan. Why? Because if he ever told you the plan, you would tell him, " Forget the destination." Because the plan is to prepare you for the destination. So He takes you to all these different things to develop you.  If Joseph knew that he has to go through a pit and prison to get to the throne, he'd tell God, "Forget the throne." So your plan is secret to God. Right now where you are maybe not where you want to be but it's part of the plan."

"This too shall pass." It's a great reminder that for all our sufferings, it will pass, our hurts and pain will not last forever. And even the good times, it will pass, so let's cherish the moment and be grateful for it. Not everyone can experience what you experience. And in the name of riches, it's not those who can avail more but those who wants less. Lord, I pray that you help me number my days so i can gain a heart of wisdom for this life you have given in Jesus.

"We do not put Jesus in the backseat as Christians. We let the Lord guide our decisions and emotions." - Pastor Jun Divierte

We do not put Jesus in the backseat as Christians. We let the Lord guide our decisions and emotions. The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (GW),

𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙪𝙣𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨. 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨? 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨?

The Lord inspired Paul to write this to inform believers of the dangers that can arise if spirituality is jeopardized. Once a believer enter into this form of relationship, the following things could happen:

1. Your spiritual zeal for the Lord will wane.

2. Your children will be puzzled as to which belief is correct.

3. Your spouse may question your church practices.

4. Your faith of staying true to the Scriptures will be compromise.

When a Christian makes this compromise, it indicates that her emotion (heart) takes precedence over her faith in God which is unfortunate. The prophet Jeremiah in Jeremiah 17:9 writes, "𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙞𝙩𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨." You can tell whether you truly love Jesus Christ or not if you follow your heart rather than His command. The Lord Jesus Christ said,

“𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙢𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨." (𝙅𝙣. 14:15)

Many women fall into this emotional trap because they are probably afraid that they will never meet a responsible and mature Christian believer. It requires faith to wait for that one whom God has reserve for you. My wife was too preoccupied with serving the Lord in the church to think about relationships. As she concerns herself about the Lord's business, everything just fell into place, including our relationship. And we are glad that we were able to honor the Lord and be a witness to our children. In addition, I know some Christian women who are happily serving the Lord despite the fact that they are single.

Marriage, like having children, is a privilege, not a right. If the Lord is leading you to marriage, honor Him. One single woman said, "𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙧 𝙅𝙚𝙨𝙪𝙨 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩." I admire the faith of this young Christian lady. After all, our lives do not revolve around marriage and relationships; rather, our world revolves around Jesus Christ, whom we love and honor. May the Lord grant you wisdom in your decision makings.

𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩, 𝙗𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙙𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙖𝙡. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪. - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩. 6:33, 𝙂𝙒

You may visit this page for more of his articles: https://www.facebook.com/jundiv1 

Feeling nostalgic about wanting to go to Japan for such a long time now. :">

i wish i didn't do it. i wish i said no to you. i wish i had more conviction and wisdom back then how to love you right. 😶

One year

One year ago, he laid down his intension to pursue me.

The other year ago, I was still healing from a betrayal issue.

The other years, I was breaking from a triggered trauma.

A few years ago, I started to get to know him.

I really wonder how I ended up with him. I could've closed the door for him and walk away from him. But here I am, loving every part of him. The painful and happy days that I am with him, adds color to my world. I don't know why I'm sentimental today, but I just realized how thankful I am to the Lord that Earl has changed his heart to make things right. As I look back, the painful nights that I always run to the Lord for all the rejection that he made me feel and for the days that I was left hanging, confused of what he is doing. As I realized that the more I was building fortified walls not to get hurt and be right, the Lord kept me and held me in all those times.

Looking back, I can't help but just thank the Lord for all He's done for me. If I think about myself, I want everything right, so badly because I think how even in my own way I can honor God. But with all that had happened, my reputation is nothing. Maybe I'm too obsessed doing things right because that's my insecurity, I can't do everything right. I always need God's grace. Not just to redeem me so I can forgive and accept myself but also to empower me to continue and be better.

Now, this year, I am already half a year with Earl.

This year, I am living freely who I am.

This year, I am discovering and learning life.

This year is the year of the Lord's favor.

If temptation starts to creep in, stand up, get some distance, breathe, and think of this statement from Arej: "If it will ruin Jeff's reputation, I will not do it."

Disclaimer: Her statement is the context of marriage. But I think it's a powerful statement that could help me express the right kind of love for Earl in our dating season. Believing and declaring for victory over temptation. That the Lord will not just satisfy but overflow to the brims our longings and testify that purity - emotional, physical, and mental, is possible in the name of Jesus. God grant us the power to say no to sin, this is our celebration to the freedom that you have given to us. God. Strengthen our inner man, God, with Your Spirit abiding in us. God I believe that nothing is impossible to you. Lord, in our relationship, be honored. Lord, I am believing that we will conquer. You have provided ways for us to escape temptation, and we bless You, God, for ever protecting us, for loving us dearly. God, what I'm believing and fighting for in prayer is this is not worth justifying so to please myself or Earl. Lord, I wanna honor you. Lord, I believe in Your Word, in Your the salvation that you bring to your saints... Your mercies are new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness! 

One step forward, two steps closer.

Everyone's into Nightbirde lately. She joined America's Got Talent and shared a bit of her story. She was fighting cancer for sometime now, and sang her original song for her journey with it. She gained a golden buzzer, and later on her faith was everywhere. She was worship leader and a graduate of it. I remember Job in her life... And maybe me... Reading and learning how vulnerable she is with the Lord... the anger, the disappointment, the hopelessness, the days that she's okay, and most when she's not... But at the end of the day, her relationship got stronger. "Jesus is worth whatever it is you're scared of losing."

Here are some of my take-aways from pain... from her life... from the Lord... 

1) Pain really has its way of opening our eyes who God is... where is He... what is He doing... It makes us realize that it's not about what we do or who we are... That it's not about us... But it's all about Him... We are His story that He personally penned... A story of a thousand hallelujahs... A story of "not my will, but Your will be done". A story of surrender to Him who calls, "Follow me" and "Come to me"... A story of becoming as we abide in Him and trust that He is "I AM"...

2) Pain is powerful. It's so much different when you hear someone profess Jesus in their suffering... you'll know if it's true... because the pain will reach you... and Jesus too... Just as Jesus knows what is  pain and grief for every single one of us... just as how He felt it all... at peak... 

3) Pain bares us naked. There's nothing hidden in who we are, for even the things we don't think exist in our very core comes out... our fears... our hopes... our cries... our worship... our need... our gratitude... our selfishness... and Jesus...

4) Pain is a picture of His great pursuit to us. You see, pain makes us focus on our fears and what we feel... it makes us think that God is far... nowhere to be found... and doesn't hear our prayer... and maybe punishes us... or doesn't love us... or really doesn't do anything... It makes us focus on ourselves... But when we look closer... He is where we are. Yes. Here, now. His pursuit never stopped even if we're blinded by our own concern. His pursuit never stops even if we choose to be on our worse to drive him away. He will come back to you. He will keep on returning. And knocking. Again and again. Until you He has won our hearts... our trust... our fears... Because there's nothing that could make Him love you less... Darling, He will not stop pursuing. 

5) Pain is very much acquainted with Him. That even in all of these, pain never fails to connects us to God and makes us closer to Him... Closer that we get to hear His secrets... Closer that we see what He sees... Closer that we find Him when we're on our knees... Closer that we get to hear His heartbeat... Closer that we feel how how He cares about us... I'd like to think that because He knows so much, and He cares so much about us, He feels sad when we're lost and don't know what to do... when we're in so much pain, and suffering, and trauma and it just a cycle... when all we want to do just lay at rest in His arms...

6) Pain is the place where we feel His love most. Because it's where everything is broken and there's nothing's good in us that He came for us. Remember, "It was not the nails that held Him there [at the cross], it was His love." Imagine going through all that and chose to finish until death, it's love. And even His resurrection, is His love for us. His ascension, is His love for us. The sending of His Holy Spirit, is His love for us. All this time, His love is His mercy, grace, kindness, patience for us to live another day. His love is His grace for us.

7) Pain is where God is the most real... in weakness, in brokenness... and the most beautiful in His glory. Here we are able to learn how the ironies of life can come together because of Jesus. We got to see the impossible come to life. We got to see death in light. We learn to trust, surrender, and have faith in him.

Pain makes us give and take one step... so we always stay where we are... but every single step, God takes two steps closer. Taking us by the hand. Though we may be in fear, but He calls us to trust Him as we go with Him through the deep and darkness. Because He is with us and is the light. 

As the Father is to Jesus, we can be confident, "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Until the day of Christ.

Whatever purpose I may have in their lives, may I serve it well. God, whatever Your will is, let it be done.

Your love kissed my fears and insecurities away, thank you.

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Psalms 62:1‭-‬2 NLT

Wait
Quiet
Victory
He alone
Rock
Salvation
Fortress
Never be shaken

help-kind-of-assessment

What I've been feeling lately:
Insecure from my relationships

What it's been doing to me:
Constant comparison
Overthinking
Irrational
Emotional
Creating a self-fortress security
Withdrawal from possible stressors
Repeating past hurts
Guilt
Shame

What it's trying to teach me:
Salvation comes from the Lord Jesus alone (incomparable to your functional saviors, eh?) 
Selfish ka (you keep on thinking about yourself) 
Shakings are necessary; learning is a must
Self-control (gentleness, creativity, kindness, grace) 

What do you have to do:

Do not let anyone or anything dictate your response

Thoughts obedient to Christ (His truth about who He says you are) 

Praying and Reading the Word strengthens your waiting for healing specially in idle time

You see, I've been trying to fix myself for almost years. Funny I always find myself having these assessments over and over again, and end up getting hard on myself. Why am I doing this anyway? For whom am I fixing myself?  Is there anything that could possible end this insanity? Is there wisdom from what I'm doing? Have you even found the root of it?

If you're like me, who wants to end it, the you know, never ending cycle of insecurities... I think it's gonna be an uphill battle. I remember one kuya, who told me that it's impossible for humans to really overcome their weakness, since temptations are present. Well, I kind'a disagreed with that because I'm all positive that God can really deliver us from our sins... like totally. But you know, I found out that indeed, in God nothing is really impossible. But humans are interestingly impossible too. So where does the problem lies when it comes to sin? Tada! Back to us. I just then learned that human's default is to sin, to disobey God, to be independent from God, to have his way according to his desires. Then left on our own, our once perfect beautiful desires, becomes our misery. Battles against the flesh will continue as long as we're alive. Our battles are most fought spiritually. 

Insecurities. You know, as we learn to name our weakness, we don't pet it. But we destroy it. The enemy usually tries to enjoy seeing us going round and round picking wrong battles because we left the shaking undealt. But know that, once you know the root of what's stealing your joy, your purpose, your being, you got the enemy on the neck.

So now when we've got the enemy on the neck? How do we destroy it? 

By coming at the foot of the cross and leave it there. 

What? That easy? How about the triggers? 

What happened has already happened. We have to be reminded that it has to remain where it should be, in the past. Your current day asks of you of what you must today. Insecurities only happen when we are not secured with the love we are receiving. Yes. If you're looking for a remedy for insecurity, that's the love of Jesus. It secures. Mmm. You know there's this once that I did some foolish things because I was fighting the thought that I cannot be insecure because Jesus secures me. Little did I know, when I reasoned it like that, I was actually really running out, running from His love. To cut the long story short, I ruined a beautiful night for everyone and hurt myself in return. Thinking I would atleast get some justice, I found myself in a total wreck. 

So why I am telling you this? 

Because I know how insecurity stings. I know ugly and worse it makes a person. And it doesn't just ruin you, it ruins everything. BUT our story doesn't end there. There is redemption. When Jesus meets with our worse, He redeems it for His purpose. It may be ugly and dirty before your eyes and others, but the Lord has a purpose for it. As for me, when insecurities strike, it's a call that I'm running out of the my greatest Source, my medicine. Hahaha. I've been reaaally, reaaally sick with insecurities for ages. And just like any patient that has been healed, I can testify how his forgiveness gives peace in the raging battle of hatred within me. He fully knows me, yet still love me deeply; my battle ry since then. It taught me what battles are worth the fight until the end. 

This sickness may continue again and again, and I don't know when will I graduate from it. But as long as God is with me, I know I'll be fine. Some mending, some more breaking. As long as He's with me, I'll be fine. And we'll be forever changed by His glory. 

This testimony is for you.
I'm very far from perfect. 
But every while is worth it. 

His love is effective.

You can never go wrong to always choose Him for every single day.

Healed and forgiven.

You can never go wrong to go home with Him at the end of the day. 

"I know my God tho." What a good smack for insecurities. Remember, if time comes and you get shaken about your worth, value or relationship in the Lord. What your doubt say don't matter, who your God is does. And who He says He is, is not based from opinions nor doubts. But as His Word says who He is, "I AM."

Esther

Then just this morning, I have been reminded of God about being a queen.

Then I told myself that I don't want to do anything much since it's important for me to keep my sanity, my security, my peace lowkey. That's one reason why I have to be away from soc-med. It gives me pressures and anxieties. It makes me unstable. It makes me see how shakeable and fragile I am. I don't wanna hate myself. I don't want to always find myself going over and over dramas. Quite from from being a Queen, right?

So yes. I'm overly sensitive specially in this pandemic. Specially in this pandemic. I'm threatened by my own relationships. Those I call my own, my beloved, I am afraid for both extremes. They're getting better and soon enough they'll forget about me. This season, I have called to live entirely by grace, yet I feel like everything about me is just so wrong. Comparisons. Accusations. Still, Queen you say?

Esther.

This Queen in the Bible was brought to me. I looked at her character type to somehow relate with her. A book I had didn't mention her and that quite puzzled me, since she's got an entire book in the Bible which tells me she is significant. However, upon reading resources, I was reminded that her book doesn't mention any account about God. She was a Jew brought into a foreign land, so basically she is largely influenced by a pagan culture. I don't know if this is the author's reason, but the content is still upon the author's discretion. But despite the zero mention of God in the book of Esther, God's Providence and Sovereignty is greatly showcased. Then I resorted over the internet and found interesting sources.

One noticeable character of Esther was her beauty. Her hebrew name Haddaseh means myrtle, a tree known for its beauty and fragrance. One source said that Esther was chosen because of her beauty. Her kind of beauty won the favor of her fellow maidens, which sooner made her Queen.

Imagine how God orchestrated everything by her story. There's always this one thing in us that God will use for His very purpose. I believe it can either be a strength or weakness. This reminds me of Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." (ESV)

Another compelling character of Esther in her book, was her bravery amidst the chaos that that was to happen. She became famous with the words from her cousin Mordecai, "Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?" A little context from the story, Mordecai learned that Haman (Prime Minister) was into a massive plot to kill all the Jews in the land. Mordecai was a Jew, so was Esther. Esther, her Persian name, has a root in hebrew - Hester, which means hidden. Her identity was hidden, and it was for some time of gaining comfort and favor from King Ahaseus.

The call of her cousin, awaken what was hidden within her. Sometimes, our greatest gifts are revealed under trials. She was not just hidden but asleep. It was her true identity that was taken away from her. But this climax of the story made her remember who she was, who her people are - a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own posession to proclain the excellencies of the Lord. Then her acts upon the proceeding chapters made her, and her character astounding.

She went to the King and pleaded for the life of her people, with her life on the line. She knew she would be killed with the fact she has hidden her identity, but this became the pivot of her story's turn around. She studied the standard and merits as a queen in the palace, to gain a favor to the King. As she enters the king's chambers, she was not only accepted but she was granted the ability to ask for anything that she wanted - even half of the Kingdom!

Can you imagine the confidence brought by knowing you that you are accepted and chosen by the King? Then you can hear delight from the King upon your presence, before what it is that you have to say. And hear this, you are told that anything you are to ask will be granted. Now, how's that? This is beyond favor, folks.

So to cut the story short, Queen Esther and the rest of the Jews in the land got the favor from the King. And Haman, the Prime Minister was punished. Her selfess decision to save her people, because she identified her self to be them. Her rulership was not control others, but her represent them.She carried the lives upon her shoulder. Lives under the pronouncement of death, yet because of her driven purpose, she continued 'til victory. Queen Esther was said to depict the Messianic role of Jesus that was bound to happen in the New Testament. 

Despite God's unidentified account in the book of Esther, we can see how He orchestrated everything for His people to be saved. That even they were exiles, far from where they should be, their home, God was still mindful of them. I couldn't help but just reflect on such goodness. I was reading the book of Nehemiah where in the people who were called to rebuild the ruins of Jerusalem recalled God's faithfulness. His mercy and goodness were pursuing despite His people's disobedience and unfaithfulness. And this story, God's pursuit of us never ceases. He continues to use all the good and bad stuffs in life to get our attention and get closer to Him.

And from the story of Esther, I believe God wants us to be reminded that we are accepted, beloved and chosen. And from this, I believe that He wants us to grow in confidence in drawing closer to Him. And that our season that seems bleak, or has tried to make us feel hidden, is probably one of God's way to prune and refine us until that very purpose day - "maybe you were made a royalty (name it) for such a time as this (wherever you may be)." 

May her story and character inspire us. We may not be as beautiful, charismatic or as valiant or as her, you are not another Queen Esther. But you will become as God intended you to be - Christlike. You have a place in God's Kingdom. 

You are accepted. 
You are beloved. 
You are chosen. 

Remember that.

If someone loves you, he will honor, respect and wait for you. - Pastor Toch

It pierced through. He was speaking to all the ladies inside the room. I knew he was personal to every soul because he spoke like our own father. He spoke right through our longings.

Lord, I can't imagine how still you have been blessing me. Protecting and pursuing me in ways so visible in my eyes. Yet, here I am, still convinced with my justifications. Rebellion. Religion. Restlessness. These have kept me from believing, trusting and receiving Your breakthroughs, Your promises. Lord, I pray that you overcome me, consume me, overtake me with Your loving kindness. Have mercy on me. My soul only longs to honor and worship Your name. Lord, You are holy. Your ways are righteous. And You are good. Lord, save me from myself. Change me. I yield to You. I surrender.

Spiritual Apathy

So yea, I would like to talk about it shortly. I found some useful resources in the internet regarding the issue: Apathy. 

Spiritual Apathy.

When we are getting overloaded with certain things that used to be our delight, it makes us hurry and hustle (embedded links are provided for the words to make us better understand why we have to end ruthlessly hurry and hustle). These two words are subtle in their crafts in destroying our intimacy the Lord. And basically, this is what the enemy wants, for us to enjoy being busy. To the point of forgetting what really matters... forgetting the heart behind the things that we do... getting cold and withdrawn from everything that used to flame us in the Lord.

I remember, a non-verbatim from the book of CS Lewis, Screwtape Letters, wherein one demon reported to his master demon the status of certain churches. Then there's this one church where he found to be pretty busy, then the master demon just said to leave them be because it's gonna be thie

So here are some symptoms of getting into spiritual apathy:

1) Decline in attendance—When there is a slacking of attendance, there is also a slacking in hunger for the preached Word of God. Obviously, there are times of the year when vacation or other factors play a part. But when a decline becomes the trend rather than an exception, there is cause for spiritual concern on the part of a shepherd. 

2) Lack of concern for souls—When soulwinning and outreach times are attended by fewer and fewer people, there is a spiritual disconnect between what we say we believe (that the Great Commission is our great priority) and how we behave (that soulwinning isn’t a priority).

3) Lack of participation in congregational singing—The Bible commands us to make a joyful noise unto the Lord. When Christians come to church with a heart of praise, the opportunity to sing is welcome. When they come distracted and bored, their singing reflects it. 

4) Indifference to the needs of others—Growing Christians are caring Christians. Scripture commands us to bear one another’s burdens. When we don’t care enough to know what the people around us are going through, we’re slipping into self-focused apathy for sure.

5) No pastoral encouragement—The Bible commands us to know those who labor among us and to remember them for their work’s sake. Just as a maturing teenager or an adult will notice and be grateful for the care and sacrifices of their parent, so growing Christians will give thanks for spiritual shepherds who serve them.

6) Declining concern for missions—When a church becomes inward focused, they are no longer concerned for the fields white unto harvest. They lose their sense of eternal realties and of spiritual responsibility to reach the world with the gospel.

7) Failure to invest in the next generation—When a church fails to see young men and women as their future and fails to invest in their development, apathy is setting in. Frankly, the church may not continue in the next generation.

(ref. https://paulchappell.com/2015/08/17/7-early-symptoms-of-spiritual-apathy/)

And since we are already discovering how the enemy is at work in us, let us now go in the offensive side. When these things are already on the roll, breathe and remember that

1. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIX IT

If we are going to be God’s comfort agents—being present with others in their pain—we need to come to terms with the mysteries that God chooses not to resolve. Are we willing to stand in faith, engaged in the brokenness that is shredding the world, and proclaim that God is still God, even when life doesn’t change and hurts refuse to heal? Being an ambassador for Christ in the middle of brokenness takes a willingness to sit in the mystery for the long haul with someone whose hurts keep on hurting. It is a willingness to feel the full weight of what can’t be explained away. We are not called to heal or fix and make everything good as new. Only God can do that.

2. YOU DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT

When people are in pain, it’s tempting to give a little morsel of wisdom and a pep talk and send the suffering on their way. One of the worst platitudes is the notion that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” In essence, we are telling people a) their pain isn’t so bad and b) God hands out trouble based on our ability to handle it. We cannot adequately explain the mysteries of suffering with platitudes. Attempting to do so diminishes the very real anguish and calls God’s goodness into question.

3. YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PRESENT

Right where you are, your life intersects with countless people who need someone to come close in the hour of suffering. It could be a lonely neighbor, a homeless man, an angry teen, a stressed-out mom, a doubting saint, a searching soul. People in your midst need someone to be brave enough to sit with them in their sorrow, to share the load by choosing to feel and choosing to trust God’s promises. We cannot stop the suffering in the world, but we can make sure no one suffers alone. God invites us to be his comfort agents, to manifest his presence so people know our God sees us (Genesis 16:13) and is with us (Matthew 1:23) in our suffering.

(ref. https://relevantmagazine.com/god/faith/3-ways-to-break-spiritual-apathy-your-life/)

Now, when things are in the rough. Like it seems so hard to go back. Or like, you are doing what you're supposed to do to be like so dragging and you just don't understand it... REST. REMEMBER that these are just days where our souls are really affected the emotions that overwhelms us because of so much work. So when this happens, continue to REMAIN IN HIS LOVE. ABIDE. God's love is constant. It never diminishes over good or bad days. God is constant. God is faithful. And you are His child. His beloved.

"There is no better cure to spiritual apathy than to make Him the highest priority of our day." - Leslie Ludy

Tamang breakdown lang, then balik agad.

How do you think this year's celebration would be?

With all that is happening, how do you think this will turn out?

I, honestly, am looking forward for this year celebration... 
But, well I guess I have to lower a bit my expectations... 

Tonight's kind'a hurtful night. 
It's one of those days you thought everything was just fine, but actually not. 
Another stressful nights. 
Another days to overcome.

I thought
the cost for the call was bearing too much
and it feels like I don't wanna do what I do
I don't want to be someone called leader
I don't want to play bass
I don't want to do anything that will cost brokenness

But that's exactly what Jesus overcame
The more I reasoned out I don't want to
The more I realized I am doing because
Of what He has done for me
I can't just get Jesus out of the picture

"There is a greater story to be told."

And this where my faith lies now...
How God will turn this all out... 
So now all I could muster is to pray and 
continue to follow Jesus 
regardless of the outcome

There might be reminders of our shortcomings
weaknesses, and inacapabilities
But it's also where God becomes the God
He consumes everything like a fire
He consumes

This year, 
I pray for everyone to be strong in faith
I pray for everyone to recieve grace
I pray for everyone to overflow in love
I pray for everyone for good health
I pray for everyone to be full of joy
I pray for better days
I pray for breakthroughs 
I pray for beaty and glory be unveiled
I pray for everyone delight in the Lord
I speak growth
I speak promotion
I speak truth
I speak discipline
I speak fruitfulness
I speak power
I speak trust
I speak obedience
in Jesus' name. 

"Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight," Psalm 51:4

"Sin... is a violation against a personal command... that is if I want to keep the will of my Father for my life"
"... The recognition that the heart needs redemption and forgiveness, that leads to worship."

I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded about the humility that brought me to my knees and pray and plead for life. I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded how God has held and carried me altogether and all through out. I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded of the depth of that forgiveness I never imagined I could draw from me. I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded of how God has loved me, forgave me, and never gave up on me. That day, was my second encounter with Jesus; life changing. That day told me how fragile hearts could be. That day made feel how wretched I am. That day I threw everything who I was because there's nothing left but mess. But that was also the very day, Jesus saved me. Again. Those days, I kept on breaking and running away but He kept pursuing. He kept me, healed and restored me. Again and again. And I realized this love, I hope to be brave it in life. There are days I get so afraid and wish to stop. But His love keeps me still. His love quiets me. Pain is real, but so is He. The shame and guilt are deep, but His love deeper.