"Fear not" is the first message of Christmas. - Luke 2:10 "Hope is coming to crush all the hard incoming." - Anne Voskamp.

"Maybe the place we experience God-with-us today is in the very fears we have about our own lives, our own world, our own future. The future that keeps us from believing that anything can be different. The fears that make the silence of the Divine feel like centuries have passed. The fears that we are here all on our own. The fears we will be holding at our upcoming angelic visit.

Today, let our fears be the starting place of divine connection, because if a messenger from heaven were to show up with an announcement of good tidings of great joy, a message that will change everything, historically that proclaimation would begin with the greeting "Be not Afraid" - or, the way it is today, "Merry Christmas"."

- scottthepainter (instagram) 

"Love, itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away."

If you're not part of the problem, you're not part of the solution.

It's always enough. Never too much. Never lacking. Just enough for today.

Thankful for people who would remind you that you are seen and heard and you matter. I want to justify but what she said was true, something that I also forget... That God's grace comes beyond our understanding. Too simple or too grand for complex mind. But the proper response isn't about what we can do for Him. Rather, it creates in us a thankful heart and grateful humility. And that's how He pursues us always.

I think it's enough. Na bisan di ka acknowledge for sowing or watering, after all the growth comes from God. hehe. basta kay they answered prayers, their becoming is a a gift from God... Indeed, they are treasure worth to tell the world. ✨✨✨

Seasons may change, but the mission remains.

Lord, my life is yours, be glorified - overtake and permeate. May You be greater than I. May You be seen, not I. My life is Yours, not mine. And I trust You and Your heart. For You are my good Creator, my gracious, loving and kind Father and my faithful best Friend.

Your love kissed my fears and insecurities away, thank you.

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

They may not hear Me in your words, but they will see Me in your life.

Selah.

Pause.

Ponder. 

Praise. 

"Believe in my son"

Today, I woke up unusally early. So early that I get to ask and realize things that I want... I think this is what it's like to be getting old...

I woke up realizing for the 2nd time how hard long distance relationship are. Writing this, I cried a prayer to God... I realized how lonely it is, how hard it's gonna be and will it work for me? I asked myself then if this is something that I want for the future... Will it work out? I thought and prayed for those relationships who are likely of this.

Earl, I wanna tell you that I don't want ldr, but I can't. It's sad. Very sad. I can't help but think about Nanay, and all she went through. Even your Mom. I can't imagine going through ups and downs without you... and the children, I don't want them to grow without you. You see, I understand the current situation, and it really breaks my heart to realize that this is a season we don't know until when, but a season that has God's reason. 

I've had a a perfect redemptive story in mind for my future... for my next generation... and since the day I met you, everything changed. It was everything I never imagined for myself. And life gave me a deeper sense of living, all the more waiting and wanting God to reveal His fingerprints over our story.

There were days when I cried myself to give up on the thought of us. Because it was something hard to imagine, hard to grasp, something beyond of control. But you know, everytime this happens God gives a Word to make me stay. In the past, I tried to battle it. But then, I just realized how important you are to God and to me. 

This time, He said in my heart, "Believe in my son." Obviously, you are not the context because I was reading "The Attributes of God" but I know He was speaking of you. I don't want to sound superficially, mystically, or over spiritually, because I maybe am wrong. But I believe that when we talk to God, He answers. When we seek Him, He meets us in our questions. Not by answering according to our logic, but according to His character. 

So if there's a reason for me to pursue this, it's because I know God will work things out for us. I don't know how but I know He is good, and all that we're going through is sifted through crucibles so that what is ours, is ours and surely will last.

God, I surrender to Your will. If this is the cup that You have for me, let me take it. This story is not new to you. And thinking about it, I survived my important long distance relationships thriving... Tatay, friends and for the best example, The Lord's. That even though You're not physically here with us, but You are in us. You are in every promise You make. You are in everything that consumes us inside out. You are in all of Your creation and You speak everything into creation. So as I think and remember all of these, I will be reminded that it is for Your glory that things happen. It may or may not work, but all creation will speak Your glory.

Thank You for grace and mercy that overflows. Thank You for love and goodness that sustain and hold us closer. And I as go through deep waters, I will not fear for You are with me. The past will no longer hold me back nor the future withhold what's for me, because You are God. You make a way where there is no way, and You make things new. So even in this waiting God, You remain good, powerful and faithful. And with all that I am, may I forever trust, love and serve You.

Day One

Father,

This is my first day as someone na 28 years old na! Young adult na po talaga. Lord, thank you sa lahat ng pasensha and grace mo sa life ko. Thank you sa protection sa akin. Thank you sa protection sa mga loved ones ko. Thank you for protecting them from all harms and dangers, from thr schemes of the enemy to kill, steal and destroy Your good plan and futur for them, and even to me when I become a unhealthy and toxic. Lord, thank you for providing for all of our needs, specially in this pandemic. Indeed, to be in the center of Your will is the safest place on Earth.

Lord, for the next days of my year, I pray that You will satisfy my longign soul. My waiting lately has caused me to lose sight of patience, of You. God, I pray that you help me order the loves in me. Help me God to never lose what really matters for you. Keep me humble and affirmed with You, and You alone. Nothing else, Father.

Lord, may Your will be done in my life. May I live a life of praise and worship; a child in awe of Your wonder. May Your Spirit continually bring me deeper into Your delight. Teach me to pray. Open my eyes and heart to Yours. Lord, my life, I live for You. Lead me. Guide me. I am Yours.

Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of life. For family, friends, opportunities to grow in You, the highs and lows, the solemn sunrises, and beautiful sunsets. Lord, may You fill me, my world, with all tha You are. May Your fingerprints be renowned in all of Your creation. I praise You, God. You are Sovereign. You are good, faithful to the every end. 

xxviii

Mahal, you're God's promised future.

Seven things

Earl Justin, I don't know if I'll be able to tell this to you but since then you have been in my prayers... not to ask for you, but to let you experience the best that God will reward you.

Tonight is an answered prayer. I'm scared that you'll leave me. I'm scared that I won't be able to love and serve and cherish you as much I desire. I'm scared that I will just ruin everything God has for you because I am this weak in my conviction to be right with God and you. I don't wanna make you contend with God's nor with the people He surrounds us. I won't intend to replace God's throne in our hearts. And ultimately, I'm scared that with all that's happening, the thought of leaving the One who loved me the most... that would be very unbearable.

So here's seven things I wanna tell you but I'll keep it to God for now. I don't want to pre-empt anything, but let God create. For whatever He creates, He loves. And what He loves, He sustains and keeps until the very end. May the entire process and progress be glorifying to Him who is worthy of it all! 

1) I don't wanna waste God's trust. His goodness and kindness. I don't want to waste the trust of those who loves us too.

2) I hope to make you proud in this decision. 

3) I wanna tell the world that I'm proud of you. A lot of times I wanna do it but I always holdback. And yea, I wanna tell the world of the treasure that I found. 

4) I wanna do a lot of things with you, and celebrate it with everybody. And there's no more hiding or fear because God says so. 

5) I wanna let you experience and indulge God's fullness of life without fear, without considering anything but to enjoy God to the fullest.

6) I wanna let you live without worrying about compromising what you have begun with God. 

7) And I wanna let you go, and be free from me.

And if God permits me to stay in the garden He is growing in you, then I'll be forever thankful. But even not, I will remain forever thankful. And all the more praise Him for letting me see you to be the best version of you.

Forever thankful to God for you Earl Justin. 

HE CHOSE YOU

No matter how far you fell

No matter what you feel

No matter how unworthy, 

dirty, failure, mistake, mess

you think you are

or your life seemed to be

He was never mistaken 

to call out your name

to choose you

You are never mistaken

to hear Him

to see Him stay with you

You are a treasure found

A gift full of worth -

worth telling the world

worth to be proud of

worth for the best

worth it.

That is Who He is -

good, merciful, gracious

able and in control,

Father, keeper, healer

loving, kind, and loving.

Creator. Sustainer. Provider.

Faithful 'til the end.

He created you.

He chose you.

He will father you.

With no doubt,

no matter what -

past, present, future -

He is fully and completely

convinced and confident

that it will always be

you and Him.

I just realized that the future may be uncertain, but we can still choose what we can be certain of.

I just realized that the future may be uncertain, but we can still choose what we can be certain of.

Though we're to live in an open hand, I don't think it's taking some things away from us. Living in surrender means, we know what's worth it... over time and emotions. I don't wanna fight with time, it's a friend. Nor emotions, they're allies. Both reveals the foundations of every decision we make, which will create a path for our uncertain future. Then we learn what really matters along the course of this journey. It's not going to be, the what ifs or merits anymore. But the good that will last forever...  over the process and along the progress. 

I'm scared.

 Lately, things that scares me about life piled up.

Just yesterday, I talked with an officemate / friend. She shared to me everything about her, and now, her desire to go "fix" her spiritual life. Hearing her story broke my heart. She's married but separated. She has a son and twin daughters, her closest relationships at hand which she's trying to take care. Her relationship with her parents are not that bad I guess, but you can see the brokenness in her. It's not her fault, nor her parents, that she didn't fight for her marriage anymore, that her heart for her children were a bit far, that she's extremely ambitious about having and easy and comfortable life, for even entering extra-marital relations one after another. She was looking for love. Doing everything for love.

Currently, she's into a secret relationship with a single man. I can see how this person has impacted her positively, like this relationship made her want to start anew again. However, I'm quite cautious about the guy. I don't know, but suddenly I just felt so protective about her. I know she's old already. But you see, my deepest prayer is that, these birthing of new things, for wanting to start new, won't be her ground for also wanting to get close to God. Because once again, what if all of those fail again, will she quit making things right? Will she stop her pursuit for God? Will she stop hoping for better days to come? 

My prayer is that God will give her faith in this season, protection for her very vulnerable heart, and guidance in taking the right way. Lord, our out Your mercy upon her. Overtake her with your love. Satisfy her with your grace, day by day. Take her hand and walk with her. Make her realize that You are the only one Who stayed and will stay no matter what. That you are her constant in this world full of changes. Pain will always be there, and God I pray that you help her forgive to release her from what imprisons her soul to experience Your fullness of life. Lord, it's never too late. You will rescue and redeem and restore Your daughter. Help her, God. I know You love her and You will do everything just to have her again. Help her, God.

Then you see, upon hearing her story. I can't help but get scared for my own. I believe she was an active church member, but it really doesn't guarantee our faith in the Lord. It can really be external where circumstances are the only way to reveal the foundation of the things we believe in. She was in my age when her life started to crumble, when she was given her crucible. Realizing this, I can never be proud of the things I've conquered. I was just a weakling before those tough seasons, but it was His grace and mercy that upheld me, made me live upto this very day. Indeed, if it wasn't because of Him, I would've quit life. Quit Christianity. Quit everything. 

But then again, it was because of Him. He stayed. Despite seeing all of it. He chose to stay with me. No matter how I intentionally hurt him or push Him away, wishing for Him to leave, forcing Him to go away, I don't know why He still pursues me. There's nothing He can merit from me... I will just hurt him because of who I am... But there's always this vision of His kind eyes... Very warm and accepting... Something you would never believe that's yours nor you deserve. Yet there it is, looking at you like you're the most beautiful thing He has ever seen.

Tell me, who can get away with those eyes? It tells me that He will never leave no matter. It tells me He will hold me in my darkest night, 'til my fears are far away. He is never scared of my flaws, but promises to take me by the hand every single day. 

Tell me then, who am I not to extend such loving kindness to anybody? To not pledge my full allegiance and obedience to Him and see Him to be my King worthy to be served. 

There's nothing to be scared anymore. Your God. Your Father. Your lover. Will never let go of you. He is committed to you 'til the end. You'll be fine. 

God's knows best. His will. His way. His time.

"to confidently trust Him whether you feel Him not"