I just realized that the future may be uncertain, but we can still choose what we can be certain of.

I just realized that the future may be uncertain, but we can still choose what we can be certain of.

Though we're to live in an open hand, I don't think it's taking some things away from us. Living in surrender means, we know what's worth it... over time and emotions. I don't wanna fight with time, it's a friend. Nor emotions, they're allies. Both reveals the foundations of every decision we make, which will create a path for our uncertain future. Then we learn what really matters along the course of this journey. It's not going to be, the what ifs or merits anymore. But the good that will last forever...  over the process and along the progress. 

I'm scared.

 Lately, things that scares me about life piled up.

Just yesterday, I talked with an officemate / friend. She shared to me everything about her, and now, her desire to go "fix" her spiritual life. Hearing her story broke my heart. She's married but separated. She has a son and twin daughters, her closest relationships at hand which she's trying to take care. Her relationship with her parents are not that bad I guess, but you can see the brokenness in her. It's not her fault, nor her parents, that she didn't fight for her marriage anymore, that her heart for her children were a bit far, that she's extremely ambitious about having and easy and comfortable life, for even entering extra-marital relations one after another. She was looking for love. Doing everything for love.

Currently, she's into a secret relationship with a single man. I can see how this person has impacted her positively, like this relationship made her want to start anew again. However, I'm quite cautious about the guy. I don't know, but suddenly I just felt so protective about her. I know she's old already. But you see, my deepest prayer is that, these birthing of new things, for wanting to start new, won't be her ground for also wanting to get close to God. Because once again, what if all of those fail again, will she quit making things right? Will she stop her pursuit for God? Will she stop hoping for better days to come? 

My prayer is that God will give her faith in this season, protection for her very vulnerable heart, and guidance in taking the right way. Lord, our out Your mercy upon her. Overtake her with your love. Satisfy her with your grace, day by day. Take her hand and walk with her. Make her realize that You are the only one Who stayed and will stay no matter what. That you are her constant in this world full of changes. Pain will always be there, and God I pray that you help her forgive to release her from what imprisons her soul to experience Your fullness of life. Lord, it's never too late. You will rescue and redeem and restore Your daughter. Help her, God. I know You love her and You will do everything just to have her again. Help her, God.

Then you see, upon hearing her story. I can't help but get scared for my own. I believe she was an active church member, but it really doesn't guarantee our faith in the Lord. It can really be external where circumstances are the only way to reveal the foundation of the things we believe in. She was in my age when her life started to crumble, when she was given her crucible. Realizing this, I can never be proud of the things I've conquered. I was just a weakling before those tough seasons, but it was His grace and mercy that upheld me, made me live upto this very day. Indeed, if it wasn't because of Him, I would've quit life. Quit Christianity. Quit everything. 

But then again, it was because of Him. He stayed. Despite seeing all of it. He chose to stay with me. No matter how I intentionally hurt him or push Him away, wishing for Him to leave, forcing Him to go away, I don't know why He still pursues me. There's nothing He can merit from me... I will just hurt him because of who I am... But there's always this vision of His kind eyes... Very warm and accepting... Something you would never believe that's yours nor you deserve. Yet there it is, looking at you like you're the most beautiful thing He has ever seen.

Tell me, who can get away with those eyes? It tells me that He will never leave no matter. It tells me He will hold me in my darkest night, 'til my fears are far away. He is never scared of my flaws, but promises to take me by the hand every single day. 

Tell me then, who am I not to extend such loving kindness to anybody? To not pledge my full allegiance and obedience to Him and see Him to be my King worthy to be served. 

There's nothing to be scared anymore. Your God. Your Father. Your lover. Will never let go of you. He is committed to you 'til the end. You'll be fine. 

God's knows best. His will. His way. His time.

"to confidently trust Him whether you feel Him not"

PTSD nights

Everyone is not as strong as you. 

For people who are unfamiliar with depression, anxiety attacks and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), I don't know how to convey it to you. But please be considerate of your actions. Be kind to everyone you meet. You don't know what they are going through, inside and alone.

Repetitive scenarios keep on haunting. Not that it is wanted or welcomed, but was just triggered then once again fears, failures, pain paralyze. And this is not to count against the offender; no, no more condemnation and guilt. but you see, thoughtless actions led to a deep and long-term healing process.

This is a personal battle for the one experiencing those negative thought pattern. As much as the people have moved on, how much more the other party wants to also. You see, taking ourselves out of the picture is not easy peasy... and recall something about what happened. But with constant security of healing and redemption, I know the battle is already won. 

And Yes, this is how hard the mind battle is. Every. Single. Time. 

So I hope that this address brings awareness to everyone (who needs it). 

Please understand. 

Please be patient. 

Please process with them.

Day One

Lord, thank you for these people who have surrounded me. To remind me that you desire for us to enjoy this season, just because. 

Thank you for the life of Rachel. 

God, even if daghan kaayo mi sayop,

and gahi mi kaayo ug ulo, 

grabe lang Kaykag grasya. 

Forgiveness. Provision. Love. 

Thank you kaayo.

I pray for breakthrough in her finances,

na makabayad na sha sa iyang mga debts

and that your redemption story in this area

of her life will be strong and true. 

I pray for her desire to have a husband,

God, may you grant the desires of her heart. 

May Your will be done. May she enjoy

this season of waiting on You, God,

more than anything else. 

God, I pray for Earl. Continue to bring out

the best in him. Let him grow in Your strength

and grace. May you overflow Your might

arresting his heart with Your strength. 

Give him courage; take him by the hand

as he ventures to conquer territories and fear.

God, I believe that You can and will do and accomplish

so much and great things in His life.

Continue to shine Your light to Your son. 

Continue to make him choose You, always.

God, I pray for Gee Ann. 

I thank You for her life!! Thank you for leading her.

Thank you because You are opening her heart

in the grandness of Your grace. Thank You

because You have blessed our relationship. 

God, I know dili man jud all the time na maging 

smooth lang permi, and days like these,

with their lives, will remind me that You are for us. 

I pray that You continually secure her with

that she is fully known and yet deeply loved.

God, thank you Tinay.

Indeed, she is someone na lami kaayo alagaan. 

Thank you for securing our relationship

na bisag daghan na kaayog insecurities and

misunderstandings, still we can count on one another. 

I pray that you bless your obedience. 

I pray that you answer her her prayer for her family. 

I know You are making her become the woman

You have best in mind. Direct her to paths, 

open her heart and mind to Your ways. 

Thank you for such a beautiful soul, Jesus. 

God, I pray for Val. 

Thank you for the healing. Thank you for overtaking

his soul. Thank you because You are mindful of him. 

Thank you because You have never left him. 

May Your faithfulness continually remind 

him of his desire to love, obey You. 

May his life indeed be a powerful message 

for everyone to be encouraged. 

Thank you for saving his faith since the

beginning, in the middle and upto the end. 

God, I pray for Janced.

Thank you because young as he is, 

he never intimidated with reality.

As you have open the world to him, 

the possibility to everything, 

may you also open his heart

to be humble and love. 

May you remind him always 

of what you've done, 

that's not about what we can offer, 

but what You've already declared

finished on the cross. 

Lord, I pray for BJ. 

I pray that you give her rest. 

Rest from every insecurity

from every lie

from every weight that

grabs her confidence to You. 

Lord, You are in the midst of her, 

she will rise again on a better version. 

Let Your glory speak in her life. 

You have provided every spiritual 

blessing she needs and will need. 

Heal her from the very depths of her soul, 

and make Your love stronger than ever in her. 

Lord, I pray that you help me

be the best for them.

I know I will not be always around for them, 

so help me to always surrender. 

Help me God to keep my heart right to You. 

You and You alone, God. 

Thank you, Jesus! 🌼✨

Pray and believe 🎶

Save your eyes

From your tears

When everything's unclear

You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight

of your doubts and fears

Wounded heart

When the light disappears

And when the world's insincere

You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream

I'll scream with you

You'll be safe here

In my arms

through the long cold night

Sleep tight

You'll be safe here

When no one understands

I'll believe

You'll be safe here

Put your heart

In my hand

You'll be safe here