I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded about the humility that brought me to my knees and pray and plead for life. I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded how God has held and carried me altogether and all through out. I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded of the depth of that forgiveness I never imagined I could draw from me. I will always be reminded of that pain. But at the same time, be reminded of how God has loved me, forgave me, and never gave up on me. That day, was my second encounter with Jesus; life changing. That day told me how fragile hearts could be. That day made feel how wretched I am. That day I threw everything who I was because there's nothing left but mess. But that was also the very day, Jesus saved me. Again. Those days, I kept on breaking and running away but He kept pursuing. He kept me, healed and restored me. Again and again. And I realized this love, I hope to be brave it in life. There are days I get so afraid and wish to stop. But His love keeps me still. His love quiets me. Pain is real, but so is He. The shame and guilt are deep, but His love deeper.

Pain is never a stanger to me. It feels like its the only thing I know in my entire life. That's why I learned to, cherish happiness and joy as a choice. I learned to fight for myself, to be dependent on God alone for salvation and satisfaction and that hope for glory is made available for us. I thought I wonvt be able to experience the freedom from such, but I found peace even in the midst of it. And everyday I fight to set myself free in light of the truth that Jesus had won it already for me.