Insecure from my relationships
What it's been doing to me:
Constant comparison
Overthinking
Irrational
Emotional
Creating a self-fortress security
Withdrawal from possible stressors
Repeating past hurts
Guilt
Shame
What it's trying to teach me:
Salvation comes from the Lord Jesus alone (incomparable to your functional saviors, eh?)
Selfish ka (you keep on thinking about yourself)
Shakings are necessary; learning is a must
Self-control (gentleness, creativity, kindness, grace)
What do you have to do:
Do not let anyone or anything dictate your response
Thoughts obedient to Christ (His truth about who He says you are)
Praying and Reading the Word strengthens your waiting for healing specially in idle time
You see, I've been trying to fix myself for almost years. Funny I always find myself having these assessments over and over again, and end up getting hard on myself. Why am I doing this anyway? For whom am I fixing myself? Is there anything that could possible end this insanity? Is there wisdom from what I'm doing? Have you even found the root of it?
If you're like me, who wants to end it, the you know, never ending cycle of insecurities... I think it's gonna be an uphill battle. I remember one kuya, who told me that it's impossible for humans to really overcome their weakness, since temptations are present. Well, I kind'a disagreed with that because I'm all positive that God can really deliver us from our sins... like totally. But you know, I found out that indeed, in God nothing is really impossible. But humans are interestingly impossible too. So where does the problem lies when it comes to sin? Tada! Back to us. I just then learned that human's default is to sin, to disobey God, to be independent from God, to have his way according to his desires. Then left on our own, our once perfect beautiful desires, becomes our misery. Battles against the flesh will continue as long as we're alive. Our battles are most fought spiritually.
Insecurities. You know, as we learn to name our weakness, we don't pet it. But we destroy it. The enemy usually tries to enjoy seeing us going round and round picking wrong battles because we left the shaking undealt. But know that, once you know the root of what's stealing your joy, your purpose, your being, you got the enemy on the neck.
So now when we've got the enemy on the neck? How do we destroy it?
What? That easy? How about the triggers?
What happened has already happened. We have to be reminded that it has to remain where it should be, in the past. Your current day asks of you of what you must today. Insecurities only happen when we are not secured with the love we are receiving. Yes. If you're looking for a remedy for insecurity, that's the love of Jesus. It secures. Mmm. You know there's this once that I did some foolish things because I was fighting the thought that I cannot be insecure because Jesus secures me. Little did I know, when I reasoned it like that, I was actually really running out, running from His love. To cut the long story short, I ruined a beautiful night for everyone and hurt myself in return. Thinking I would atleast get some justice, I found myself in a total wreck.
So why I am telling you this?
Because I know how insecurity stings. I know ugly and worse it makes a person. And it doesn't just ruin you, it ruins everything. BUT our story doesn't end there. There is redemption. When Jesus meets with our worse, He redeems it for His purpose. It may be ugly and dirty before your eyes and others, but the Lord has a purpose for it. As for me, when insecurities strike, it's a call that I'm running out of the my greatest Source, my medicine. Hahaha. I've been reaaally, reaaally sick with insecurities for ages. And just like any patient that has been healed, I can testify how his forgiveness gives peace in the raging battle of hatred within me. He fully knows me, yet still love me deeply; my battle ry since then. It taught me what battles are worth the fight until the end.
This sickness may continue again and again, and I don't know when will I graduate from it. But as long as God is with me, I know I'll be fine. Some mending, some more breaking. As long as He's with me, I'll be fine. And we'll be forever changed by His glory.
This testimony is for you.
I'm very far from perfect.
But every while is worth it.
His love is effective.
You can never go wrong to always choose Him for every single day.
Healed and forgiven.
You can never go wrong to go home with Him at the end of the day.
