Believe by Faith

God is faithful. Even if we're not.

We are bound to what's destined for us.

Only God knows what is it - what are those, but for sure, there's a lot of things God wants to accomplish in our lives. It's not only you who wants to go through a lot of beautiful experiences in this life. God wants it more than we desire for our lives.

One question that has brought me into realization to pursue is this:

IF YOU WON'T FAIL, WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Well for this conversation, this question applies to the encouragement "TRUST GOD".

In my current situation, I have just realized that I am surrounded by people who merely has a relationship with God. All my life, ever since I was a born again, I have been with people who only believes in Him, everyone was so passionate in pursuing God. Later did I know that I wasn't able to prepare for the next stage of life that will challenge all that I have stored up as a believer.

Being aware of what's right in the eyes of God, learning what others think about people who doesn't practice what they preach, and figuring out things if you're ready in the timeline of life or not. Things like these pressures me, quite often I become anxious because what people say strangles me. But I thank God the more I feel helpless because His word stands true that, "in my weakness, You are my strength."

Honestly, it's because of His word that I still have the guts to soar higher, never give up and do my best. Knowing you won't fail because Jesus has won the victory, because You trust Him no matter what, because He is good, you will definitely seek for more!

The statement left me a hang over. And maybe it will last. Forever.
I thank God to have made me realize this. I know He's carved it in my soul.
How do I know? Because I won't let it go.

He had been encouraging me for like years to grow more in faith, that is more than believing. It's like, faith is the another word for believing, in the spiritual realms. So yeah. It took me years to fully understand. Indeed, when you hear His word as an answer to your plea, it is indeed irrevocable. Certainly the calling to have faith.

Since yesterday, or should I say even before, He's been telling me to "ask more" and "hold on". I admit that I was putting God in a box. I was living a carnal life. Trying to work out my spiritual life through so much human efforts - which is definitely tiresome wrong. I am guilty for this kind of living. I was always afraid to ask more because I might get disappointed because what if it's not for me or because there's just too much to ask and God might not handle it. In short, my mentality was to never disturb God.

See what kind of mentality I have? It's stiff.

But God's grace! He's really working in my life. He allows things to shake us to see that we need Someone who can't be shaken. He allows things to hurt us to make us feel that we're broken and there's a vacuum that He alone can fill. He allows things to shame us so that we may learn to speak the truth. He allows people to know you because He wants to show Himself through You. 

God has better plans for us. There's just a lot! Faith is all we need. Believing God's word helps us fill the holes created by the world to us.

We might be corrupted in mind, body and spirit.

But through Jesus, we are new. "The old is gone, the new has come."

His death made a way for us to be forgiven and be blessed.

His death redeemed us.
His scars healed us.
His blood cleansed us.
His love saved us.

 

Happy 2015!

Declaring greater things for this year! 

Greater challenges may come all the way but God holds us in His right. He is who He said He is. He is faithful. He is merciful. He is gracious. He is loving. He is kind. He withholds nothing for those who love Him. God has been great through out our lives and He will continue to live it up as long as we live - forever and ever.

God is on our side. He protects us. He doesn't waste anything. 

GOD IS WITH US.

Praise God! I'm better than before. I've got another 365 chances and opportunities that is at reach. Thank You Lord!

 
Again, happy 2015! :)

When do we say we deserve better?

One beauty queen said in an Banking Ad, "I just woke up one day and realized I deserve better."


So what's next after this question? Do we likely move or should we stay still otherwise?

I don't know myself either, how to measure but I know, I just know, that I really deserve better.

I was raised up in the thought process of equivalent exchange (just lemme use this word, hehe). You work, you get what you want. That's how my life has been. I measure everything that I deserve with how I work. 

I realized this thought like a hundred times in my life. But what do I do?

We can do whatever we want. If I want to move for the better, because that's what I think is best, I can. There's nothing wrong about it actually. You can always get what you want. But there are these times that even if you want to step out where you are, you can't get out of it - and you know that there's something that holds you back. 

Either fear or His word.

Fear is cheap. It drains all of your energy. It robs you what you really have, what you should have for the meantime. You think you should have this and that and all these things that you deserve but you just end up nothing - exhausted mind, body and soul. You can't realize what's for today is enough because you have already set your mind off for tomorrow.

So were getting into the clearer root of this fear, aren't we? Fear for tomorrow. Yes, everyone in this world has a hold of this. From time to time it pops and then we get crazy thinking about it over and over again. And we gain nothing from thinking the most of it when reality slaps us that for now, we can not do anything. Just yet.

His word. Sometimes it ticks me off that His word is making me stay where I am. That moment when you just realize you deserve better but deep in you speaks, "Be contented. Being faithful in small things is a preparation for the better things to come."

It's a challenge for me everyday that I should have this mentality over and over. Everyday, you choose to think this way because you know it is what He wants you to. It contradicts every being of me actually. Every nerve of me erupts. Every tiny universe in me becomes a black hole.

Do I deserve more?
Of course.
God doesn't withhold anything good from His children. And this good has to be in line with His will. And what is His will anyway? Something beautiful, that even ashes could be become star dust.

Do I deserve more?
Yes.
But not now.
He is preparing me.
I know this because He keeps me still.
I know this because it's Him that I am longing for.
I know this because it's written in His love letter.

Do I deserve more?
After all He has done for me, No.
I don't deserve all that I have now.
My life. My entire existence.
But because He gave it all.
His grace extended up to the limits.

I have always asked about Your love.
I didn't understand it.
That's why I don't want it.
I remember how it hurts every time I am reminded of it.
It hurts so much, no, it overwhelms me so much.
How could you love me? What part in me do you love?
As much as I don't want to think about it, it comes rushing so fresh in me.

When my discipler told me about this certain line in the lastest movie in the hobbit, which is familiar with everyone,

 
Tauriel: "If this is love, why does it hurts so much?"
Thranduil: "Because it was real..."

How could it be love when it hurts so much? How can that be real?
You wouldn't know if you never loved like Him. If I think about it, maybe He's the only one who felt it that way. 

That genuine love that hurts when He saw His beloved died.

So instead of seeing us dying everyday of our lives, Jesus came and said "Let me take their place." And so the Father gave His only begotten Son die for us to live.

Now tell me, do you deserve what you say you deserve?



 
 

Born out of Love

What could it be when everything is born out of love. Will like get better? Any better? Or will life be easier? than ever?

Love is something I myself can't define. But it's a lovely word. It's a sweet sound. It makes the heart beat go clubbing inside when it's genuine. And a very beautiful gesture.

At times love makes tears fall. I don't know why it's still called love when it still make you cry - giving you heart breaks like letting go - but that's love folks. Love that's making it's way to a newer and truer love.

When the things you do are those that you love, doesn't make it any harder to work? Hmmm. That makes sense. And that talks to me now, anyway. Choosing above everything we feel everyday. Love. Then viola!


Choosing love doesn't give us the assurance of making our lives get better and easier. It's easy to say 'that is love' when sometimes is really it isn't. We think that it's love then we work out on it, then there it blossoms love, then it gives you a heart break. Because in the first place it wasn't love after all. Maybe it was empathy in disguise, maybe it's an over-reacting understanding over, or whatnot in this world. But what's great about this is that, we may started it with something we thought is love it still ends to us to be love. Great isn't it?

Whether you like it or not, whether you admit it or not, whether you acknowledge it or not, love will always be right there. 

Before November Ends

There's something I want to say but it feels like the time's not right. There are certain things that I want to do but I don't know how.

Everything's not enough today. My words. My thoughts. My actions. I'm sobering too much and it's making my life obese... dying.

If there's something I want to get busy, it's what I'd love to do. Doing it like it would remind me that this ain't be happening without Him.

God, will that time come?

I'm stuck in the moment. Truth be told I am dissatisfied. I want to be with people who have dreams, goals to move further in greater heights, to be with people who has mind like me, to be with a group that would make me not just want more but do more.

Tch. I'm in the office and I want to cry. 

I'm raw O God. I know You are having a heart surgery to me right now. Because despite all these things, I am still wanting Your ways, I still live in Your word, and I choose to wait.

Fear that maybe there's nothing for me out there really. Frustrated why can't I just live the life I want. Am I that really ungrateful? Do I really have to go through a lot? 

My heart cries.

But when I think of Your majesty - how You created everything without waste. You have tamed me.

O God, You satisfy me. You are everything that I need. It is Your love that I want. It is Your word that I thirst. It is Your heart that I seek. It is in Your Kingdom that I want to be. You have chosen me as I am, and I am grateful to respond when You have called me. 

I don't know if it's for me. I hurt. But You know what's best for me 'ayt? God I entrust You my life. I know Your ways are good and righteous. I know You think higher and deeper. I just give it all to You.

I know I will have to go a lot, I have to learn a lot, I have to do a lot. You hold me life. Make haste and hold if if I get weary doing, seeing and speaking goodness and righteousness. Fulfill Your word that to those You have called, after all the little suffering, you will make us strong, firm and steadfast.

To the future me, wait for me.

 

Don't give up

I am envious of those people who are not just firm with what they have decided for their lives, and made their dreams into reality.

Last night, I was reading a blog from an author I admire. He's young. He's witty. He's got talent. He was able to achieve his goal around the age of 23 and I'm like,



How?



The author said "Be SMART in achieving your goals."
My sister answered "Ah, maybe because he's rich and all."
My mentor told me "Because he worked out his time frame."


And I'm like, "God, why should I consider a lot of things when all I have to do is to decide what I want to do?"


And tonight, my soul cries out. My admiration for this person made me realize about something I tried to hide for some time. I know it's not yet time because I still have things to learn, I still have things that I am most concerned about, because I still have things to be patient. I know I still have to know what really is my passion that I could be able to inspire others.

I want to speak in front of the youths and testify how great God as my dream has come into reality.

I want to cry because I know it's something I want to do but I also understand that it's not yet the right. It's painful you know? It's so, so heartbreaking. You realize everyday that you are in the process but can't somehow see how could it all add up when it's all at your expense. Everyday you choose, that is, you force yourself to be happy despite all, to be faithful 'til the end, to keep holding on - because you know that He's the only thing You've got.

Ever since the day I realize that I have to let go of this dream in order to move on, I refocused myself on what is at hand. And I am thankful because I was able to see the things, to appreciate what He has offered me. And now that this dream has been open again, I wonder if there is a book that could explain to me how to handle this. I wonder if there is someone out there that could understand how I feel and tell me if I have a chance for this dream or not.

For some reasons, there are answers in my heart that makes me say "I give it all to You. I trust that You know what's best for me." You see, even if I want my conditions here, I can't say it. It's as if, all I want in my life is to internalize that "His plans are better than mine. He's to give prosperity, hope and future. He is the answer to all of this."

This frustration of mine comes from "the things I regret I didn't do" and the "what if's". Yes, these are all worldly pursuits to my dream of becoming. Sigh. Being impatient, eh? Yeppp. Because it's not according to what I actually pictured in my mind. I have reasons why I didn't have to pursue it and I wonder if it's legit. They I am living in an idealistic world but what is the difference of living what you believe in the reality they are seeing?

If...


I wonder if I'll have my time, too. God, you said I will have my portion didn't you? I will wait for it. And see to it that if that time comes, I'll make the most of every bit.

I entrust my life to You.

Believe me, I'm not a good girl. I just want to do the right thing. :)