"We do not put Jesus in the backseat as Christians. We let the Lord guide our decisions and emotions." - Pastor Jun Divierte

We do not put Jesus in the backseat as Christians. We let the Lord guide our decisions and emotions. The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (GW),

𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙪𝙣𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨. 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨? 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨?

The Lord inspired Paul to write this to inform believers of the dangers that can arise if spirituality is jeopardized. Once a believer enter into this form of relationship, the following things could happen:

1. Your spiritual zeal for the Lord will wane.

2. Your children will be puzzled as to which belief is correct.

3. Your spouse may question your church practices.

4. Your faith of staying true to the Scriptures will be compromise.

When a Christian makes this compromise, it indicates that her emotion (heart) takes precedence over her faith in God which is unfortunate. The prophet Jeremiah in Jeremiah 17:9 writes, "𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙞𝙩𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨." You can tell whether you truly love Jesus Christ or not if you follow your heart rather than His command. The Lord Jesus Christ said,

“𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙢𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨." (𝙅𝙣. 14:15)

Many women fall into this emotional trap because they are probably afraid that they will never meet a responsible and mature Christian believer. It requires faith to wait for that one whom God has reserve for you. My wife was too preoccupied with serving the Lord in the church to think about relationships. As she concerns herself about the Lord's business, everything just fell into place, including our relationship. And we are glad that we were able to honor the Lord and be a witness to our children. In addition, I know some Christian women who are happily serving the Lord despite the fact that they are single.

Marriage, like having children, is a privilege, not a right. If the Lord is leading you to marriage, honor Him. One single woman said, "𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙧 𝙅𝙚𝙨𝙪𝙨 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩." I admire the faith of this young Christian lady. After all, our lives do not revolve around marriage and relationships; rather, our world revolves around Jesus Christ, whom we love and honor. May the Lord grant you wisdom in your decision makings.

𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩, 𝙗𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙙𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙖𝙡. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪. - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩. 6:33, 𝙂𝙒

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One year

One year ago, he laid down his intension to pursue me.

The other year ago, I was still healing from a betrayal issue.

The other years, I was breaking from a triggered trauma.

A few years ago, I started to get to know him.

I really wonder how I ended up with him. I could've closed the door for him and walk away from him. But here I am, loving every part of him. The painful and happy days that I am with him, adds color to my world. I don't know why I'm sentimental today, but I just realized how thankful I am to the Lord that Earl has changed his heart to make things right. As I look back, the painful nights that I always run to the Lord for all the rejection that he made me feel and for the days that I was left hanging, confused of what he is doing. As I realized that the more I was building fortified walls not to get hurt and be right, the Lord kept me and held me in all those times.

Looking back, I can't help but just thank the Lord for all He's done for me. If I think about myself, I want everything right, so badly because I think how even in my own way I can honor God. But with all that had happened, my reputation is nothing. Maybe I'm too obsessed doing things right because that's my insecurity, I can't do everything right. I always need God's grace. Not just to redeem me so I can forgive and accept myself but also to empower me to continue and be better.

Now, this year, I am already half a year with Earl.

This year, I am living freely who I am.

This year, I am discovering and learning life.

This year is the year of the Lord's favor.

The depth of your spirituality is contingent not in mere believing that you can be forgiven, but believing that you can be delighted in by God in Christ. We just don't want forgiveness, we want to be loved.

Longings bring us 'home'.

Nothing else satisfies than you do.
And forever I will be reminded that it is my heart, 
my obedience, 
my trust that You desire. 
I might commit mistakes, 
I might run away from You, 
I might not be wise, 
I might do all these stuffs for You... 
But these all doesn't make me less as Your daughter. 
You own me. 
You accept me.
You treasure me. 
You cherish me.
You love me. 
No more, no less. 
Not what I can do.
Not what You can do. 
Just between You and me.

Thank You. 
Forever grateful, Jesus.
Thank You. 

Honor God.

Honor the person by self-control.
He's one of God's best example.
Don't take over, nor manipulate.
He's one of the Lord's finest. 

Don't distract. 
Don't take 
what's God's role 
in His life.
You wouldn't want.
And you must not.

God first. :)

I take one step away, and I found myself coming back to You~ 😭😍👊

Your love is unsearchable, unfathomable. But you looked at me with mercy and covered me with grace. I have never known this kind of love except what the world has whispered. But Your love, in the name of Jesus, took a different form in which I can feel and simply think about it.

Kapag mahal ka, Babalikan ka.

So what if di ka binalikan, di ka na din mahal? Eh different din naman yung di ka na mahal kaya, di ka na binalikan.

Mejo masakit ha. Ako kasi yung isa sa mga di binalikan. Kasi, di na mahal.

Last September 7, I saw him. After a few years of being haunted of what has become of us. I saw his face. After a few years of waiting just for that day to come, time flew immediately. Everything was so fast that even a minute didn't count. Even if I wanted to stay longer, I could not any longer. I could not barely look at him because for sure I'd be staring for long. I was shaking. I said 'hi', he smiled in response.

He was smiling. I was happy to see him. He was smiling. That was the last thing I wanted to see from him. He was smiling. I didn't regret my decision to see him. He was smiling. How could he?

I don't know if I was hopeful for anything when I had the chance to see him. But all I know was, I have to see him. Because I need to. Because I want to leave everything that excites me about him behind.

The pain resurfaced as I started rolling on my bed. I wasn't able to sleep properly. If it was possible, I might have a stared in nowhere 'til dawn. I wasn't particularly thinking of him but I wished to be with him a bit more. I wish I had the chance to talk to him. I wish I had the chance to hang out with him. To simply by his side until I lose appetite for it.

Was I hung up that much?
Do I love him still?
What am I really expecting?

I wonder why did I get hurt after seeing him. I wanted him happy. Sana with me. But it's impossible. The way he smiled at me, it was alive. Even without me, everything about him was beaming. He's like the coolest guy on earth!

I want to move on. Paano ba mag-move on? Hahaha. I'm not bitter, promise. It was hurting but I don't regret my decision to see him. I want to seriously get accustomed with everything about him and later on realize he's one ordinary thing for me nalang.

For some time, my prayer was this: (Ps. 139:23-24)

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!^[a]
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!^[b]

 "I wanted to make things right with God." This stand, I heard from one pastor over one podcast, really struck me. From then on, I could remember I was praying Ps. 139:23-24 within me. Well I wasn't really aware about it since it was casual for me to think about this person for a time or two. And maybe, just maybe, because God now is telling me that I have a new beginning through Him. He wants to deal with this issue in my heart.

Then it happened. Then I kept thinking about him in leisure time which wasn't really helpful or productive. And because of that, I took God's word for help (2 Corinthians 5:10):

⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

You might mistaken me for running away from this feeling. But this feeling is deceiving. We ended because it was wrong. I admit I am weak to handle him, but I would like to stand to my God's blessings and promises of New Beginning.

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.^[a] The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

 This verse has been my chant ever since the day. I am eager to find that new beginning. Now that I know that there's nothing I could expect from him anymore, except from friendship. I wished anew. I want to be refreshed from everything that has happened in my life that is continually running through my subconsciousness.

I WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH GOD. AGAIN.

He is just so gracious to give me this chance. And together with this, He allowed this blessing I would like to fight for: a chance to work in BIR. I don't know if my chance is slim or what but I'm taking the chance. I'm gonna fight for it knowing God is with me.

I'm gonna fight because He has given me a new beginning. Because I have my race to finish. Because I have dreams I wish to come true. Because I have to live my purpose.

Isaiah 43:18-19

¹⁸ “Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
¹⁹ Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.

Believe by Faith

God is faithful. Even if we're not.

We are bound to what's destined for us.

Only God knows what is it - what are those, but for sure, there's a lot of things God wants to accomplish in our lives. It's not only you who wants to go through a lot of beautiful experiences in this life. God wants it more than we desire for our lives.

One question that has brought me into realization to pursue is this:

IF YOU WON'T FAIL, WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Well for this conversation, this question applies to the encouragement "TRUST GOD".

In my current situation, I have just realized that I am surrounded by people who merely has a relationship with God. All my life, ever since I was a born again, I have been with people who only believes in Him, everyone was so passionate in pursuing God. Later did I know that I wasn't able to prepare for the next stage of life that will challenge all that I have stored up as a believer.

Being aware of what's right in the eyes of God, learning what others think about people who doesn't practice what they preach, and figuring out things if you're ready in the timeline of life or not. Things like these pressures me, quite often I become anxious because what people say strangles me. But I thank God the more I feel helpless because His word stands true that, "in my weakness, You are my strength."

Honestly, it's because of His word that I still have the guts to soar higher, never give up and do my best. Knowing you won't fail because Jesus has won the victory, because You trust Him no matter what, because He is good, you will definitely seek for more!

The statement left me a hang over. And maybe it will last. Forever.
I thank God to have made me realize this. I know He's carved it in my soul.
How do I know? Because I won't let it go.

He had been encouraging me for like years to grow more in faith, that is more than believing. It's like, faith is the another word for believing, in the spiritual realms. So yeah. It took me years to fully understand. Indeed, when you hear His word as an answer to your plea, it is indeed irrevocable. Certainly the calling to have faith.

Since yesterday, or should I say even before, He's been telling me to "ask more" and "hold on". I admit that I was putting God in a box. I was living a carnal life. Trying to work out my spiritual life through so much human efforts - which is definitely tiresome wrong. I am guilty for this kind of living. I was always afraid to ask more because I might get disappointed because what if it's not for me or because there's just too much to ask and God might not handle it. In short, my mentality was to never disturb God.

See what kind of mentality I have? It's stiff.

But God's grace! He's really working in my life. He allows things to shake us to see that we need Someone who can't be shaken. He allows things to hurt us to make us feel that we're broken and there's a vacuum that He alone can fill. He allows things to shame us so that we may learn to speak the truth. He allows people to know you because He wants to show Himself through You. 

God has better plans for us. There's just a lot! Faith is all we need. Believing God's word helps us fill the holes created by the world to us.

We might be corrupted in mind, body and spirit.

But through Jesus, we are new. "The old is gone, the new has come."

His death made a way for us to be forgiven and be blessed.

His death redeemed us.
His scars healed us.
His blood cleansed us.
His love saved us.