I won't

If you only knew
how much I want to
touch you
look at you

If you only knew
how much I want to
spend so much time
learning you

If you only knew
how much
your words affect me
your actions fazed me

If you only knew
how your arms make me
wonder how safe whoever
she may be

If you only knew
how I cherish you talk
how your voice cracks
and lights up everyone

If you only knew
you're a yes and amen
If you only knew
but you won't

I won't let you know
because there's still
so much room for you
so much that's stored for you

I won't let you know
because you must still face
your priorities and some
things you have to be healed

But please bear in mind
You are a prized possession
God won you and made you
A champion, a conqueror

Go live out you calling warrior,
I wanna see you shine the light
God has promised inside of you
Illuminate it dear, don't hold back

Please bear in mind that
There's a lot out there
Who needs your presence
your authority, your leadership

So I won't let you know
I won't let you know
Until then, still,
You will never know

"Love thrives in soil of maturity and commitment," (Boiling Waters)

Unless Jesus is enough, nothing and no else will satisfy. 

Do not look for love
It will come
Do not force
For we can only give what we have
 
We cannot put our place to God's
So don't manipulate
Don't complete yourself with others
So, darling, let go

Don't be distracted
Don't turn away
Remember that He is good
Remember that He is forever good

And if it happens
that you forget
and search for love
in so many ways

Go back to the only way
Go back to the only truth
Go back to the only life
Go back to Jesus

No matter how impossible it seems
No matter how hard it is
No matter how broken you are
No matter how you're brought far

Love has always been there
Love came and reached out
Love opened the heavens
Love kissed the sea open

He is for you
He is not against you
He is holding you
He will never let you go 

Let Him delight in you
Let Him rejoice over you with loud singing
Let Him silence you with His love
Let Him keep you in His wings

Remember
Do not forget
Know
And keep it

He believes in you
He loved you first
He forgave you
He wants you back


Just come back.

Thought experiment?

You said there's something
You see in the soul
That seems magical
It attracts you to come close

And you dove in the risk
I wonder if I was worth it
A risk you took as an experiment
The risk you took advantage

You're the smart kind'a of a jerk
But too selfish to celebrate
A fool to love himself
You never really cared

How well were those words
Constructed to sound like birds
The world revolved in music
Or so I think

But recently you were consuming
Ignoring the fact you will fall
I took the between to be cool
Believed boundary's still my tool

So I decided to make it right
Afraid of my resolve to fight
It begun with frienship
All hopes it's worth keeping

To protect you means
To protect me
I stepped out from
Where we're in

I'm sorry if I have to do it
I'm sorry if I have to let go
I'm sorry if I won't believe
I'm sorry if I have to choose this

You might be cool about it
But I'm not
You might be cool about it
But I hope you're not

I want you to know
That you are amazing
You are a genuine talent
A brilliant reflection of Him

And now
Everything is said and done
The decision is handed down
May you enjoy the crown

I'm broken to tell goodbye
You don't care, You won't protect
So I'll be the one to take steps aback
This is fine, I will be fine

I hate goodbyes
But I also hate what you do
I hate goodbyes
But I think this is the best for you

PS. You made yourself your paradox to me.

THE 10 DAYS MISSION HAS STARTED

Panibagong panahon ang sumisibol.

Panibagong hamon
Panibagong pag-asa
Panibagong testimonya
Panibagong pagkilala

Panibagong mundo
Panibagong salita
Panibagong mukha
Panibagong saya

Sumipol ang hangin
Humalik ang langit
Humaplos ang alon
Pangalan mo'y binaggit

Ang lupa ay nagsalita na
Nagdiwang mga nilikha
Mga bulaklak ay sumayaw
Sa pag-ibig na umaapaw

Panibagong pagbangon
Panibagong pananaw
Panibagong paghinga
Panibagong pagsiksik,
liglig at pag-apaw

Panibagong buhay
Panibagong pangalan
Panibagong tahanan
Panibagong katayuan
sa mundong inaasam

NO OTHER LOVE THAN THIS

LOVE REACHING OUT TO US

Whenever I cross this thought, I remember how God sent His Son Jesus to REACH OUT to us. I mean, the preparation God made took a measurable yet significant time from the Old Testament to the New Testament. He was preparing, and just like everything we are celebrating, it is grand and it was that. He was getting ready for this great exchange. He knows the struggle of each and every people for ages just to reach His presence, just to have Him, once again. But love came and stayed. These struggles that brought out all the wickedness of the human heart, all the while as He was silent, I believe He was saying "Hold on just a little more my beloved, I will come to you. I am preparing everything for our grand reunion." And indeed, heaven revealed its splendor. "And the word became flesh, and dwelt among us." He spoke everything into existence. He who is the glory of heaven. He who's love is translated in Jesus.

Jesus exemplified what kind of life God wants us to live. A life knowing that we are children and the Father is good, His will ever pleasing and perfect. Jesus showed that the Father wanted a relationship, where love is the only language. Jesus lived a life rooted in the Father, a powerful, fruitful and alive life. It was never about what we can do, what others will say, what has been. His ways may be contrary to the world, but that's the truth and discipline our souls have been wanting, a love that does not pretend yet so persistent.

During our recent coaching group (CG as we call it), we discussed the book of John. The goal was to finish the book before February starts, however due to circumstances we weren't able to do it, so what our leader did was, upto the recent chapter we were reading, what certain event in the bible speaks to us. I shared about the story of the Centurion who's servant was dying. And to my bad, just as I was looking for the verse for reference, I found out that the account is in the account of Matthew and not in John. (face slap) Going back, 2 girls shared about the Samaritan woman Jesus encountered in a well. They shared how Jesus quenched the longings (thirst) of our hearts just by believing in Him and that how it fills our [hungry] souls when we do (obey) the Father's will. Then another one shared that it reminded her of the time she was still new in faith where read about "Love one another. Just as i have loved you." She shared that she's going having a hard time loving certain people in her life due to circumstances, but then again God reminds her of His love for her. His love that keeps no records of wrong. A love that only God can perfectly perform. You know as they say, an inventor knows the whats and hows of their invention. Someone also shared that she's constantly being reminded by God to rejoice in her circumstance.

All of these revelations came so fresh to me. I mean, amazing love how can it be? I've always been someone who is never convinced that someone could love me just like that. He loves like a relentless hurricane yet comes to you as sweet as a dew. You know what I mean? Where can you find this kind of love? So strong enough to stop your storms yet so calm at the same time that it gives you His peace that transcends all understanding.

A love like this

Where can you find

I went to ask the ocean

Told me to measure its depth

But even its depth is immeasurable

I went to ask the sky

Told me to gauge its height

But neither its height is limitless

I went to meet the east

But I seem to chase after west

I tried to talk with the moon

Told me to count the stars

But counting brings me to infinity

I wander to find this love

I thought it has a name to belong

I though I found it but

Love found me instead

What a glorious moment

To know it has been with me all the time

The answers brought me somewhere I thought I'm lost

But it's where you found me instead

Your love that finds instead of seeks

Your love that gives rather than receives

Your love that forgives and doesn't demand 

Your love that stays, I can never comprehend why

Love speaks who you are

Love is all that you are

You've been with me in ages

And You speak love to me face to face

Randomness be like

People coming in and out
Vehicles going left and right
Leaves dancing in my sight
Stars start to twinkle at south

Time
Moment
Season
Life

Everyone moves in such restriction
When the sun rises begins time
When it's gone bids a farewell
Darkness stills all in the shadows

Peace
Solitude
Quietness
Silence

Squad getting ready for a surprise
Someone who looks for a job
Them who agrees and refuses   
The smell of fries and milk tea

Harmony
Rhythm
Melody
Bass

Slowly, it all gets calm
With a beat, eyes on no one
Steadying the storms
Unfeeling the false pressures

Eyes
Voice
Conversation
Smile

Unfathomable wonders
Discovering treasures
Bursting equations
Gold-dust celebration

December rain

As the raindrops sing in the rooftops
My world began to move and travel
Breathing, I looked up the ceiling
Compelled in the heaven's rejoicing

Tell me what do you see
When you send rain on the earth
Tell me what do you see
When your word covers the entirety

Tell me what you think
When the soil takes in the water
Tell me what you think
When this become better

Tell me what you hear
When everything is done
Tell me what you hear
When the heart is warm

For so long everything was kept
When rain came knocking
thoughts shaken, faith building
Voices hush as eyes get open

And the sun rose in the east
even if its time to set in the west
And I was never left hanging
At least I thought I was

The moon appeared
The stars played my eyes
I went out and see the beauty
The rain created at night

Pearls on leaves
Fresh breeze past my face
The starfield sky recites
The innermost of my galaxies

Can you feel that pursuit?
Will you hold that heart?
Are you going to answer,
the beckoning call of art?

The poet resonates his heart
In a song I only see in my heart
How can this be that you alone
Move me with letters on stone

You spoke softly
breaking the strong in me
You took my lies
catching and changing me

And again I look up
The beat is raging
His love relentless
Safe in his embrace

And once again the rain fell
Thoughts rushing, feelings gushing
But never again I lay before the ceiling
For I get to relish the sight & smell of December rain

Have you met someone
who looks at the night sky
like you always do

Have you met someone
who seems to be your full moon
so captivating

Have you met someone
who held your heart with his words
yet tight with actions
 
And I met someone
who name great constellations
and began to think

does he know by heart
does he know the sight afar
does he know my heart

But the milky way
seem to open the heavens
to bid us part ways

Both are shooting stars
just passing by the great stage
where everything change

A love that remains

Tell me how I am
a sweet nostalgia to you

like the smell of rust
from blood - of an open cut

or like the first rain
of summertime you've waited

like a perfume scent
that lingers as your childhood

or like a song lyric
bringing you into your space

tell me how I'm like
if ever I'll become one

to forget or keep
saudade, blue and green

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? 

Why so disturbed within me? 

Put your hope in God, 

for I will yet praise him, 

my Savior and my God.

Psalm 43:5

I hate myself for thinking

There's nothing good in me

Heart filled with unrighteousness

Mind polluted by envy

Tongue tied in lies

Eyes blinded by disgust

The silence of the night calls 

The words of entitlement press in

"You can do more, better, a lot"

Yes, I can if I will; Can't I?

The stars are out, the moon out of sight

My eyes await for my Savior

I just wanted is to be still, to be held

My prince where is thou peace?

And as the depth of your love engulfs

There is a wage of war in my bones

It shivers, it breaks, shattered into pieces

I wonder how it is still in its proper place

 

In the sound of your embrace 

My God, Let me rest my case

I incline my ear to hear You whisper

I lean myself so, so much closer

Bring me in a new horizon

Play the interlude of your grace

Let your angels dance before You

Let your mercy come anew

Let me remember

And never forget

My Lord, 

You are nearer

Had all this happened

You remain in control  

You are sovereign

You calm my soul

Let my mouth speak glory

Let my tongue sing praise

Let my heart beat worship

Let my hand raise bless

I hate myself for thinking

There's nothing good in me

But there's our Father's begotten Son

In His loving arms, my story is not yet done