Good, Good Father.

Unbelievably, time is running fast. I wonder why it feels like this. It seems everything I have to do can't fit in one day. God might have designed it that way, yeah?

The other day, I was looking for something that I've been missing... 

"What's the matter?" 

"Really, what do you want to do with your life?" 

"How should I live the life You have won for me?"

"I want to understand why should I keep myself holy."

"Up to what extent can I sacrifice for love?"

"What should I do to love You with all my heart, mind and soul?"

"Are you even pleased with me?"

"I want to go home."

I know all of these. I know how easy it is to find anything in the Bible to answer my questions. But I want to address the root - A heart longing an encounter with God. Always and always, I have been like this. Sometimes when I realize how much I do for Him, it frightens me. It scares me that I might be dealing things "too religiously" that I do not see the real the need. For some time, it's so hard to convince myself that it's God that I want. You know why? Because reading the Word became a burden to me. I know I should not feel that way cause I know what's true. But then another burden came and whispered, "lean on His promises." Then I remembered.

The desperation to experience God's power. The time I clung unto His Word like my life depends on it. Haha. It makes me emotional remembering those days. It might have been a small thing for others but it was surreal. My eyes could not believe what faith could do. My God proved Himself faithful. My God showed Himself true.

Then I cried on my knees in desperation, in realizing that more than the promises, I long for the Promise-Keeper. There's nothing more that I want in my life right now than Him. I breaks my heart to realize that day by day I could not do it, that everyday of my life I got to face the consequences of my sin. I hated life that way, it seemed living as if I never knew God. 

"It is impossible for you to love me with all of your heart, mind and soul." He told me. Breaking in tears, once again, I insisted that I can, if I would just give my 100%.
"You can't. You know why? Your default as a human is to sin. Your ways of discovering life is sinful, contradicting to my statutes, my decrees." He explained. It broke all of me hearing the truth. That I cannot do it myself. That it is really impossible. That we need a Savior.

"So why am I still pursuing, You, O God, if I am nothing but an eyesore to You?" I argued. "So what am I suppose to do?"

So what should I really do?

"How can you love someone without knowing the one you love?"

And once again, I am reminded that love is a decision. An every day commitment of spending time to know the other party in good and bad times. And I love because He loved us first. That His love is perfect; nothing in this world could ever separate me from His love, His grace, His goodness. He is God no matter what. That everything that He is makes Him the only one who can save and redeem us from our fallenness. This is why it is said in the bible that, "in our weakness, we are made perfect in Christ." He is not intimidated by the things that we do or not do, for it does not add or lose value to who He is. Jesus is the final authority, his final act gives victory.  

I am in awe to recall how His grace helped to live in newness. Everyone wants that. But not everyone knows how to. Yes, you can go somewhere far away or buy new things or do new things to cover all you never wanted. But no one can ever renew who you are just like the newness in Christ that assures, secures, affirms and hopes. 

He is a good, good Father. He is someone I choose to trust despite the things that I see. Even when it hurts, He is good. Even when it's hard, He is good. Even when it all falls apart, He is good. He give and take away - He alone has the power to do it. I know I am in good hands with all these travails I am going through. 

And I thank God for bringing me on my knees, experiencing this desperation for Him. Because if there is something that I don't want to happen, that is to lose my devotion for Him.  

Draw near to God and He will also draw near to you.

Hi. A song for you. Hahaha. Kbye.

Yung tipong, Lord DMD!

Grace? Love? Peace? Siksik, liglig at umaapaw! Di ko maiwasang maisip ngayong gabi na dahil sa pagmamahal mo sa amin, Ikaw na nga gumawa ng paraan para di kami mapalayo sayo, naabuso ka pa. Sa grace mo, sa ginawa ni Jesus, naging madali ang lahat sa para sa amin upang magdasal at lumapit sa Iyo ng buong buo. 

"If grace was an ocean, we're all sinking." Sin is serious to you, because You are holy. But You were desperate for us, because You love us. So desperate that left me thinking the psalm "who am I that You are so mindful of me?" always. Always. And might take me forever, an eternity or maybe never if I try to understand it. 

And Your glory that You desire for us? For the God of the universe, He who created everything by His word, and He who said "I AM" to time and space. To impart it to us like God seriously, quotang-quota na kami sa Iyo! 

Yung feeling na kayang-kaya ko gawin lahat, kasi You gave the confidence in victory that Jesus won on the cross; kasi You are for us and not against us. Pero I want Your way for me. That there's nothing in this world that I want but Your will be done upon me. And where ever we are, I know God has a plan and He is pleased with us. He is the God of peace that transcends all understanding. Through Jesus, nothing is broken, nothing is missing. Shalom!  

From week one upto the third, may last week pa of course. You have made me seriously look at Jesus. What He did on the cross. What kind of a Father is God. Like grabe, even Jesus in the heaven sitting at the right hand of the Father is interceding for us. Also, sending the Holy Spirit just to make sure that we are well taken care of.

Lord, DMD talaga. 

Jesus, the Lamb of God - The Perfect Redeemer. 
Jesus, the High Priest - The Perfect Mediator. 
Jesus, the Suffering Servant - The Perfect Substitute. 

My heart is so grateful, O God. So much awe, so much indescribable feelings and unspoken words as to Your greatness. I am humbled by Your grace. Thank You for taking it all. Thank You for being the Once and for all sacrifice that has to be, in order to restore our relationship with the Father, for enabling forgiveness to take effect to us, for never giving up to the end. Thank You Jesus! Thank You.

Kudos Yanagi! You are definitely the one! HAHAHA.

The Lion King

Rafiki: Look down there.
[Slowly Simba walks to the edge of the watering hole and peers inside. His reflection stares back at him]
Adult Simba: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.
Rafiki: No. Look harder.
[Rafiki touches the water which causes waves that change Simba's reflection into Mufasa]
Rafiki: You see? He lives in you.
Mufasa's Ghost: [From above] Simba.
Adult Simba: Father?
Mufasa's Ghost: [He appears in the sky as a group of stars] Simba, you have forgotten me.
Adult Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa's Ghost: You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of life.
Adult Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Mufasa's Ghost: [Now fully formed in the sky] Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king. Remember who you are.
Adult Simba: [Mufasa's ghost begins to disappear] No! Please! Don't leave me!
Mufasa's Ghost: Remember.
Adult Simba: Father!
Mufasa's Ghost: Remember.
Adult Simba: Don't leave me.
Mufasa's Ghost: Remember. 

And so, the movie goes on. Bonjour my friend! It's been so long again. Haha. Well I got kind of busy not because of work but because of stress going on in me. Psychological - so basically, spiritual and emotional dilemma. Anyways, I need to move on - I MUST. I can't imagine myself slumping for more days. I really can't. It would definitely be annoying and... annoying. HAHA. I've been encouraging myself for couple of weeks now since the day I resigned from my previous job. Well it's not like it really matters (like yeah, there's just a lot of it and I'm making it harder and complicated) but I wanted to think my actions over. I'm not afraid to have land no job because I know it's not His promise. I don't know, but I'm just confident with this fact. I'm not actually awesome of some kind of great to be attracting jobs but I believe that He wants something beautiful for my life. Going back to the topic. Yes, I had been battling emotional stress because I know no one would really understand what I went through in my previous job. I mean, it's not like it's one kind of a hell, but I think I'm not really that strong enough. A lot of party (well you know what I mean) were organized in my brain it wasn't just every weekend! I would like to entertain it once in a while but it was like my day won't end unless those thoughts won't torture me. It wasn't like I'm really harassed, but for my first job experience? "It seems like a joke," quoted from my aunt.

Actually, I'm queuing right now because I want answers of why those things must happen. I am waiting for His answers that might comfort me but all I could think is, it was MY DECISION. Whether He wants me to stay and press on, it was MY DECISION to leave. I couldn't stand it anymore. Because I have forgotten. And ran away. There's no other reason am I right? But one thing: Romans 8:28. No matter what my decisions be, I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not yet but, I would not like to regret it. Yes. It's a start of making my own decisions whether be it in good times or bad ones. Of course, I didn't do it impulsively. I had my own process to assess. Really, this blogging helps a lot. It makes me realize this right away (sometimes, sometimes not).

LIVE THE MOMENT.
DO WHAT YOU MUST DO - NO REGRETS.
When you live this kind of principle, you get to stand yourself on the mound and pitch. Whether you get a strike or not, it depends when it already reach the batter's plate. Right or wrong decisions has their time.

You know I want to rant my lungs out but it would not be healthy. I don't want to remember things like that again and again. I want to stop it. Because I am moving on. 
Because I must take my place in the circle of life. 
Because I am more than what I have become. 
Because I am His daughter and a true queen.

I am not a victim so I should not act like it or even think like it. 
I am noble. 
I am great. 
I am lovely. 
I am saved.

His Holy One made me. 
Thy eminence is making me.