i'm sick

i pray i'll get well soon. well definitely i should be. there's still a lot of things to mind before laying down at bed and sleep. sigh. :/

and i will miss you cos im happy that i had you at all. haha. i just remembered what i told myself i had my last prom during senior year. it was a week before the real event when i told my best friend that "by the time the flightless bird will start playing and someone would ask me to dance, then that someone i would definitely fall for". i think i declared it that's why i just can't get over this super special friend. haha. yes. i admit that i still have feelings for him but i do not understand why isn't it much intense the way i had before. yet im still thankful that i was able to overcome those painful memories i had with him. to remember all those stuffs just made me sad. you know, sometimes i wanna go back into me back then but i can't - i just can't. i need to be good. i promised Him. compared to everything that i've been through, its His experiences that no one could ever surpass. im happy to know that as i cried and was hurt last year, He was with me all the time yet i didn't give Him any acknowledgment. He was with me when i was so down and wept my tears away. He healed my angry and sad heart. im happy to have Him around me. im happy that He could be anything that i could wish. ^^ MY FIRST LOVE, JESUS. ♥

so shallow and obnoxious

waaai. there's a lot of things to do. i kept on cramming even i have a lot of time in my hands. sigh. im sick of myself you know? its not like im getting emo - don't give me that, 'cuz im not. anyways, as what im saying, im getting tired of myself being so introvert and block-head. im tired of reminding myself to do this and not to do that yet i can't simply follow. i dont understand myself. i cant control it. its really getting hard because once i get slipped off of my way, maybe i wont bear it much and get man (but not totally).