It's hard when the people closest to you could never and will never try to understand you. I know it's going to be a tough battle, but nothing is impossible from overcoming it.

It's hard and hurting when the people around you doesn't know how to appreciate, how to take care, how to be gentle, how to recognize what true happiness is - that is, joy. They are the ones who are with you for all those times, they are the ones whom your eyes first saw in this world.

It's a sad thing that you are expecting something from them, yet they do not reach into that standard. Even if you yourself to their level, still you can't expect something from them, something that what you are doing in the supernatural will be deeply understood by them. They can't in an instant. They can't because they knew you more than enough to condemn your changes.

Yes. God impressed to me that, when you are following Him, even your father, mother, sisters, and brothers will reject you in Jesus' name. I never thought it would be this hard to cope up. Extension of faith; extension of understanding; extension of love.

I will not worry because, everything is soon to pass. I will not worry because God is not done yet in their lives. I will not worry because He told me that, everything is going to be alright. Exhale the negative; Inhale the positive.

Alright! Bring it on. Practice prudence. Practice Faith. Practice long-suffering. Practice Peace in Jesus. I will be filled with the Holy Spirit and walk with it. Yes. Amen to that! I am filled with the Spirit and as it overflows in me, I'll empty it though extending the glory of God to them. :]

Everything will be alright. ♥

Christmas is supposed to be joyful, peaceful, and full of love. Christmas is the greatest among all the the year's season. It is when we celebrate the Birth of our Lord Jesus; it is when the Father sent His only son to gather back His lost children.

Christmas.

Christmas.

Christmas.

Do you know how to spend it? Do you know why really on earth do we celebrate Christmas? It very lonesome to think, see and hear how the people around you, celebrate Christmas in a sad way. I mean, if I were Jesus and He's in my place, He would've been ignored.

Christmas is supposedly full of forgiveness and understanding. The people around me, I can't understand. I don't know what to do. All I can offer is prayer and silence. Prayer of thanksgiving that despite all God will just come into their lives and make them understand. And silence, because I'm somewhat hurt with the things around me - pride.

Christmas is for Jesus! It is His birthday. It's no ordinary day! It is a feast of His greatness! It is the welcome party of our Lord upon coming into this world. It is not His home yet He made it one. We are not His yet He made us one. We didn't deserve anything but He came into this world and made us deserving of the Father's blessings; made us deserving of the Father's mercy.

It is His mercy that we should be cherish through out this day. It is a one-entire day celebration of His greatness! Of His birth and nothing else. No one should be discourage with what one has discovered on the past and no one should think about how's going to be the future. God wants us to celebrate Christmas like a child, full of faith, innocence, love, joy and satisfaction. Christmas that is filled with high hopes and trust.

Yes Lord! It is your day. Let us together celebrate it my God. :]

Soon and very soon, my King is coming.

Somewhere in my heart, I am looking forward into His coming. For sometime, I was asking for Him to come and get me now because I do not like how what is happening in my life. It was then, in a dream - a very unrealistic dream, I was able to realize why He can't take me away as I ask Him. You know why? It is because, I myself, is not yet ready. Let's say, God knew that I was just said all of those things because I was weary, because I listened to the enemy's lies.

In my dream, I shouted with all of my heart: I still don't wanna die! Realizing that I was still alive, I asked myself, why was I frightened with death? Wasn't that I want? While I spoke those words of fear for death, I remembered someone smiling while death was around. I was really puzzled why she was still smiling, not giving any word. Sigh. T'is then I realized that, with all of her mind and soul, she really wanted to come back to her real home - as she shared her testimony about her longing to go to Jesus in heaven in a certain age.

I was thinking, was I just copying her? This song recommendation came from her. I could really sense how much she really wanted to be with Jesus. Just like her, I am too. But I'm still in process of working what should be done. I'm still in the process of obeying the Lord, do my purpose and finish what He wants me to do. This is not an obligation, this is something that a servant would do to her Master after knowing all of her Master's sacrifices for her, for His servants. This is something that a daughter would do after all her Father's blessings for the rest of her life; this is something that a daughter would do in return of all the lessons that He taught, that makes every child stronger; this is something that a daughter would do to her Father after taking care of her, looking after her, loving her, forgiving her, and made her an heir for the riches unseen. And this is something that a sister would do to her Brother that serves her with all He is, protects her, and looks at her with merciful and loving beautiful eyes.

He deserves every praise and worship. He will come. I will wait. I will learn how to obey. I will learn how to let my spirit know the Spirit. I am with Him, and will be with Him.

God showed me His mercy, His glory.

<--------------- See this picture? That was the ticket from the resort where the Christmas party of my beloved group was held. Today was really an awesome day.Well, supposedly,I mustn't come due to financial problems. But they helped me get through out of it - an unexpected gift from them, from God.

I know them. In terms of finances, they are stingy. I mean, that's practicality at our times. Yesterday, when they all settled everything for today's agenda, it was decided that everyone must contribute this figures so that the food that were suggested and approved will be served. Now, I was flustering with the thought of it. I knew about this long ago, and I didn't mind it at all. Yes, I relied on my own. I never prayed for it. I never dared to ask God's will for it. And so this day came.

This day wasn't really good for the agenda, and I know its because I never told the Lord about it, I just told myself, everything is provided and spoke out words that was really compromising. My mom wasn't in good mood because of the misunderstanding she had with my father. I'm still her daughter and I am trying my best to obey her and father as I could so I could show Jesus to them. Now, as I asked permission to go, mother didn't react something good though she knew about it. For almost the entire day, I was really bothered about it.

We met at the place quarter to 5pm. We waited for the others to come. We met some old folks, talked some and reminisce some of the old days, old ways. It was quarter to 7, if I'm not mistaken, when everyone was already in the place. And just by that time, mother called and told me to go home because its already late in afternoon. I told her that we just came in the place and will still have fun, but she didn't like it and insisted. I was stubborn there. I didn't come home as she told me. I stayed a little longer and had fun for a while.

I opened everything in prayer. I prayed for the food and for the presence of everyone. We ate. We took some pictures. We laughed. We talked. We finished eating. We decided to take a dip in the pool. Quarter to 8, my mom called again and told me in an angry voice to go home because its already late. I told her that I'll be going home estimatedly 10pm. She declined my offer and insisted. I too, insisted, and so she told me "do what you want". Somewhere in my heart, I was hurt because I know, she is driven with emotions in relation with her argument with father and that, there's no money for Christmas. Well, I do not really mind if there is or none at all, because the greatest thing in Christmas is not the fiest in the table, but the birth of our Lord Jesus. Sigh. If she only know how to come before the Lord, everything wouldn't be like this.

Anyways, I really felt blessed today. I mean, it's God's glory. I can say that it is not just a coincident that I made it to the party; that even though I don't have money for the event, still He provided. I talked my confidant in the group and asked for a sorry for the mess I did. She told me honestly that she was sulking the time I told her I couldn't come because of financial matters, but what was prevailing during that time in her was the urge to help me. I received her GM telling: Guys, let's contribute for Rau's part. And I was like, hey, what? wait, nooooo. I was a bit ashamed of myself as I read the message, but she told me that it's alright since we're friends. Everyone agreed for it and I was like, it's a debt that will last forever. Even though, the other side of me tells that they made it because they don't want to increase the figure of contribution, what I can really see and hear in the whole of me is their care and love for me. Yes, that's it and no other.

In the midst of the completion of the meeting, others said to just cancel it because of the sign that appears, like the expenses and my presence. But this very confidant of mine messaged to everyone in an enthusiastic spirit: if there's a will, there's a way; the Christmas party will be held.

Before going to the pool, we made the exchanging of gifts. And because I was full of unworthy and unhealthy thoughts that day, I forgot about the gift that I must give. So guess what, God provided it! HAHA. It was really amazing. That time, in an instant, God provided! He poured out all the blessings I needed that time in a snap of a finger and in a blink of an eye. The extra gift was prepared because we were expecting someone to come, but because he wasn't able to, it was decided that I'll be taking the gift as my own and give it to my manita. And what's funny about this was that, the person that didn't come in the party was the one that I keep on texting and pursuing to come. See how everything twisted? HAHAHA. It was really a great pleasure that he wasn't able to come. God really surprised me.

My feelings, I don't know. But what I see tells me to rejoice and see the glory of God itself. Somehow, there's something inside me that wants to cry for joy because of what I witnessed. I want this event to last in my memory, be a testimony for God's glory, for God's love, for God's answering of prayer. In His time, waiting yields into something worth waiting. It's not going to be the same because there's a lot more waiting ahead of us. And by that time, in the same situation, it will generate deeper into my heart, my mind, my soul. That my spirit would recognize that it really is from God, that there's nothing in this world that we do that God doesn't approve, that God didn't work on; for He established our ways and thoughts.

Before I left the place to go home, I asked them to gather in prayer. I wanted to declare the blessings of the Lord upon them. I asked to receive every declaration I put into prayer, in faith, so that everything will be place on God's plan. Yes, I love them so much that it hurts me sometimes when I see a point in life that I can compare them to my Spiritual group. I BELIEVE AND DECLARE, that they'll be one of the Christians that loves to serve and love the Lord. I included my prayer that the group will grow and get strong in Christ Jesus.

I'll be praying for this group with all of my heart. Yes Lord, I am excited to see them worshiping you - that together we will sing you praises and worship you in spirit and in truth! ♥

I miss Him, so badly. :]

Dead Emotion

In order to be resurrected, there should be death.

As of now, this is what I'm holding on. I've been under construction for sometime now and it concerns about my emotions. I always grew tired whenever I do things as I want, to much flesh is too much emotion, too much pain.

I laid it down to my Father's care after an encounter and thus here I am, feeling so empty, so emotionless. I mean, I've got lots of encounters, breakthroughs, confrontations because of my selfishness and I got exhausted from it. Yes. There are times that I wanted to cry so much yet tears won't run down - and I felt what "don't cry over spilled milk" means. Even in laughing, I do not understand myself. I laugh yet it wont last that long - so I guess that's what "happiness is just temporary" means.

I am wandering for days and yes, I am empty. I am waiting to be filled by something that is proper, right and healthy.

Love.

I wonder what it is. Its not the simple love that everyone knows. I myself do not understand why I am after this kind of lackness in me. I am weak, yes, I am still in love with the same person 3 years ago, but what I am seeking right now is not what I have just admitted. Both love were different, way so much far different.

I believe that, after sometime, I'll be able to understand what kind of love I am looking for. The love that is beyond every human's capability, the love that comes from God.

I know that there's the Bible to guide but I still can't understand. I am becoming stronger in my faith yet it is still young. I am loving it, I know God doesn't want me to hurry but take every single step in this journey carefully.

I want to see how God see things. I want to know how He works on things.

I want to be alive.

And I am alive in Him.

There are still things that I should learn. I am growing up in Him. I am growing up with Him, so there is nothing really to be afraid of.

One day, I shall be sharing the revival of how to feel, how to sympathize, how to be glad. I know that God is at work to fill me the righteousness He wants me to have.

You Lead by Jamie Grace

"You Lead"

I've got waves that are tossin' me,
Crashin' all over my beliefs,
And in all sincerity, Lord,
I wanna be yours,
So pull me out of this mess I'm in,
Cause I know I'm wanderin'
Lead my soul back home again,
I've always been yours,

And this world may push, may pull,
But your love it never fails,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more then I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on,
Just lead me on, on, on and on,

As a child I heard your voice,
But as a girl I made my choice,
There is no other way for me,
I'm devoted to you,
You're my peace on the heavy days,
You're the warmth of an autumn blaze,
Your love carries me away,
And it's never to soon, no...

And this world may push, may pull,
But your mercy never fails,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly, yeah,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more then I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on,
Just lead me on, on, on and on,

Sometimes when I wake up, I don't wanna rise up, Out of my bed, to many thoughts in my head,
Don't wanna be who I used to be,
Gonna take the back seat and let you lead,
And I...
Need to stop, need to stop,
Cause I'm going to fast,
And I...
Know my God is still God, And you got my back,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly, yeah,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more then I can see,
So lead me on...
Lead me on...

And I...
Need to stop, need to stop,
Cause I'm going too fast,
And I...
Know my God is still God, And you got my back,
You got my back,
I know ya got me, I know ya got me,
I know ya got me, Lead me on...



O yea! Bring it on. I'm on the go to let others know about Jesus! This day was really a blessed one. From the time I woke up, up until I sleep, He never failed to show me His glory, His workings, His mercy, His grace, His love, His trust, His chastening, His rebuke, His wonderful creation. O GOD! YOU ARE REALLY AWESOME. Good things come to those who wait (Romans 2:7). Let us continue to let others know the blessings that are waiting to be released before them, the very blessings God wanted and can't help but to give them - because He loves them, us, you and me. :) PRAISE GOD.