Just when I thought that was enough

So it's still not enough?

Was the thing I surrendered the wrong thing? When you said to put You first in everything, did you mean to surrender everything else? I just don't understand. I want to get angry but I'm just confused and I just can't comprehend what's happening.

My heart's all fussed and messed up. I want to cry. I want to understand. I want to know. What am I suppose to do? Where's my salvation for this? If by chance, I'll be able to get a disciple, will I be able to be someone who deserves to dream as what my dream is?

Someone enlighten me. I just heard something I actually don't want to hear. I thought someone will comfort me and encourage me all through out, though that was just a clearer message from the still messages He had and has for me. I heard myself sound like a fool telling what's withing me but the message confronted me: Discern.

When I heard that, everything seemed to fall apart. So after, it's not for me eh?

...

The Next Big Thing (Summit)

Before August left, I was able to meet awesome beings! 

Jen Gerodias-Diaz. A cosmetic entrepreneur - founder and CEO of Snoe Beauty Inc., which is soon to be launched internationally, spoke about her journey with Snoe in the yellow road, just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz did.

Ralph Manalo Wunsch. Founder and CEO of MetroDeal.com, an online selling site like Amazon and Ebay, which is nationally acclaimed, speaks how competitive nowadays to use the internet as means in business.

Leeroy New.A designer and an artist. He is basically a sculptor and turns out to be a versatile artist. He engages with international transactions from his abstract, distort and practical art works.

I am able to meet these people because of Pat. I was bothered by her missed calls and a message: call or text me when you're done. To know that she wanted me to grab the opportunity to join the summit, to know that she'll pay for it, and to know that she won't be coming with us (I am with Daryll). Of course I was a bit: whuuut?! But she hopeful of meeting Leeroy, a co-artist of the photographers (everywhere we shoot) she admire. And due to work constraints, she won't be able to come and thus passed that chance to me and Dar.

I was actually shock. But she always wanted to join summits, conferences, seminars like this. Actually I don't know why she wanted to but if you were to ask me, I want to be inspired to carry one and move, to believe and to be able to work "what you really want to," as they say.

Amongst the speakers, I was more into Leeroy's speech. Just as you know, arts really interest me. I know people say there's no money in it but, practically speaking, but as I see things from people who are working devotedly with passion, money comes to them, follow them, rather than 
be those who comes after money. Actually, I am not after money when I think I can be able to do what I really desired the most, to share my talent and inspire just lots of people out there who might be disappointed from their current status.

Well I can't say. I might just be someone regular. But I can also be someone who can be special. I don't know where I'll be going, I don't actually know what road to choose right now. All I know is that I see roads beyond. I am still walking and contemplating, with a branch on my hand brushing it like a maestro, whistling and sometime taking a glimpse of the sky bounded by the trees in the corners of my eyes.

Actually I was not really as excited as I was before. After the summit, I was thinking, asking Him if that's what He wants me to take part. Rather, I was challenged to really pursue arts in the future. I don't know which field I'll be taking in but I want to be as versatile as Leeroy, as much as possible. He was most linked to sculpture, and from there, ideas grew and branched his creativity into fashion, architectural and alike.

"I didn't want to be like him," I spoke to Pat and Dar while dinning. "I'll be a competitor."

I am considering industrial designs you know. I wanted to utilize what has been eminent and developed in me ever since. Leeroy was just so blessed to start his career when he's still in highschool - enjoying art at all cost. 

He has his portfolio is found with this site: http://leeroynew.com/
 
All of them faced risks, difficulties and criticisms. These people went through instances I believe which they reached the peak of having none. Ms. Jen, actually confessed about a time when she was really at lost yet she needs to continue. And she decided to invest it all. With hesitations and fear, I guess bugging her, she believed that God won't leave her after all she's gone through. And that was accounted to her. And look at Snoe now. Slowing climbing the international cosmetic competition.

"It does not matter how fast you get there," Ms. Jen speaks of the issue of using wealth as means of achieving the position where she is right now. "What really matters is you reach it."

"You are compelled to be inspired..." says Leeroy. This statement came after the question of how can you make profit of arts since its been a compartmentalized mentality in the locale that there's no money in it. So as to speak, Leeroy said that he was there not because of entrepreneurship or anything, he was there to speak art and just share about it.

I might not be a genius nor I have all the resources I need, but someday, somehow, I'll be able to reach it. I just need to take it slow, easy and never forget to enjoy every opportunity given to me. So just wait. I'll be able to meet what I'm supposed to meet, someday. Someday. Those desires will just collide with each other. Someday.

"If we walk far enough," said Dorothy, "I am sure we shall sometime come to some place." (Wizard of Oz by Lyman Frank Baum)

2 is better than 1

You can always say what you want. You can always speak what's in your mind. Others won't understand. And it's not a problem. Because they won't anyway.

Different perspectives fill that disadvantageous gap. It creates a brand new and different way of thinking and looking things, that only 2 or more persons can see. "A pass can never be a pass without other parties."

Others do not see our strength, and so we are to them.
Others do not understand our weakness, and so we are to them.

But what's amazing with these facts are, when it collides, things what we don't know about them and what they don't know about us, it becomes a strong tie that intertwines every possible space that could create a hole.

It's never a bad to let others know how we perceive things, and that's how I think of it. It's their problem anyway if they see it annoying or what; but that's just how I deal with myself. It a wonderful privilege isn't it?

I don't know how to express myself here, but my point really is, speak yourself. If they accept it, then good. If they don't, well its not like you're convincing them. And if they correct you, be thankful and accept it. You can not fill the holes - your weaknesses, alone. You need God, you  need others. That's how we are amazingly created. To be able to fill other's gap, and be filled in return. 

I love your soul.

Deafening Silence

Monochrome

Psalm 58

You are deciphering me

Exams are coming but I'm into editing. Huehuehue. I was planning on putting quotes for all of the pictures but it seems it's better like this. I don't know but I really appreciate what I have done. I'm sorry for making myself as the model. I didn't have anyone. And I don't have a proper camera. I usually take photos of the sky, just a hobby, until recently... 

Photos speak memories. Still photos convey messages. Visual images make you decipher.

I know its not spectacular, splendid, nor excellent. But I trust my guts when I say its beautiful. I might be someone who's confined in a monochrome world, and doesn't know how to react with colors. But I see. I can see.

Anyways, time sure flies fast. On the 10th of September is already the University's Graduation Pictorial. Excited? I don't know but I just wanna be at my best in the photo. I just wanna spend the remaining days at college, so remarkably beautiful.

I'm stepping into a new world. A new decade, another flourishing journey to get into. If there's one reason to be excited, that is be my reason. I don't know what's to come but I sure will be walking and waiting - even if it means I might get lost, I know I will just come back right on track - and meet my destiny. I think when I walk. I always do that, sure it's some wisdom stuck in my sleeves. I'm already knotted in my red tie of destiny, so no matter what happens, I know for sure, someday, I will.

The thrill of this journey gives me chills, and it makes me wanna look forward to it. I'm excited. Yes, for an unknown reason, unknown grounds, unknown future. This travel is gonna be worth it. Thank You, Lord. I trust You for Your plans for me, and for all the people around me. I give back all the glory and honor to Your name! I am so grateful for Your presence my Lord, and that is beyond words of thanksgiving.

The pavement is already done, all we have to do is run a good fight in faith. I say, patience and work, it's a good combo before the Lord comes!

Tears stream down your face... I'll fix you.

I don't understand myself

I treasure people. I really cherish them much. To the extent of holding them tightly in my hands.

I do not know how to balance.

All I know is black and white.

Extremes.

"Rau, I miss you." Pat said.

We were inside the van full of our kuyas and ates when she whispered those words. I was shock. I was happy. It was as if, I was avoiding her for an unknown reason. And it feels like, "what have I done?"

I was thinking when she messaged me at facebook (just a while ago) that music was really reuniting us. In someway or another. I don't know. But that's how I see it right now. We were jamming with friends inside the church when we realized, we were cherish HS memories.

Well yeah, HS memories. Too old. Too old.

I wanted to have memories with those people I really care for with the present, with something I can say it just happened recently. And of course, that would be hard when people around you is more entertaining than you. You can never catch attention when you just sit and decide to never step out where you are.

It's my attitude. I do not interfere relationships. I admit that even it hurts, I don't speak because it would such be selfish of me to do meddling things again. And I know I had it to the extreme. And I must say I do not know how to put it in a way, I can also enjoy.

You might say I always think of other people or how considerate I am. But I think I'm just protecting myself from getting hurt. I easily get hurt. I cry and laugh easily over petty things. And that's my weakness. Because I can't deceive what my own eyes can see, I run away.

I stop communicating to people.

And just so you know, it hurts so much. And I just want to tell you that I am afraid of loneliness. I might seem strong and introvert for others but I have enough of being alone. I wanted to be left alone but I don't want it. That's the battle inside me. Ironic isn't it?

I feel grateful when she said those words but I can find my heart saying: Hey, you've found great ones to spend most of your time. I confess I am selfish with relationships that is why my doors are always close. Only those people who dare to bang in can enter my circle and really know the me.

Sigh. How hard will I become?

Though it really surprised me. It's just that my gratitude isn't that much developed.

And P.S.
DictoComp was harsh to me today. I didn't like it but I find it really interesting.

I am also encountering the same problem with Diwa, a friend I used to blogged here. Sorry for being to emotional right now. Girl thing. And I just need to know and deal this thing. If its not in blogging, nothing will ever come out from my mouth.

My friends are my treasures. My family is my oasis. I know there's still golds and diamonds along the way, scattered and waiting to be dug-out, someday I'll be that someone who is able enough to careful knock those big hard walls and found those gems lying beneath.



#selfishnessdoesnotmakeusbeautiful 

Even extremes can have its downside whether you like it or not. Why can't I weigh things properly?

When Saul becomes David

When Saul becomes David.

Previously, I have posted about finding ourselves in the shoes of Saul. And somewhere in the process, we have also found out how gracious and merciful our God looks at us even in the dark, darker, and darkest of us.

Now let us look at that struggle in David's perspective. I believe it's no coincidence that what we are going through can be of 2 perspective. After all, everything is in the Master-plan.

Just as every tear we shed God has a counter plan for it. The same goes with our struggles. Here's a message in a different perspective with what we are struggling:

When God rebukes us, it's painful and we tend to misunderstand what is happening around us. But over all, His message goes down like this: Be faithful even at the least. Makes sense? It's easy to show how we can be faithful and be grateful in great happenings. So God wants (and I guess expects) us to have the same vigor, when facing difficulties. He's got His reasons for our struggles you know.

He wants to get rid of something isn't right in our life right now - mentality, principle, thoughts, actions, etc..

He wants us to pray, to communicate with Him.

He wants us to get back on track.

He wants us to grow spiritually.

He wants us to receive the blessings He wants us to have.

He wants to us Himself under different situation - of how big HE can be.

He wants to tell us: Hey, I am here.

He wants to tell us: I don't care of your past, of who you are, nor how dirty you are.

He wants to tell us: This is how much I love you, child.

Our obedience requisites awesome things! Here's a concise statement of our obedience:

So children of God, let us not be afraid to face the truth to what has become of us. Let's stop deceiving ourselves that we are fine, alright, awesome, or okay. It's okay to admit we are not. It won't hurt if you tell it to anyone. Just like crying. It doesn't mean when you cry over something or someone, you are weak - rather, it means you are brave enough to let go what seems to be controlling you.

When your eyes start to see things like Saul, divert your attention and look up to God just like David. 

Yes, just like David.

You are the man after God's heart.

Come in Power!

God was with David so Saul developed jealous eyes on him. The more Saul realized that God was with David in everything he did, the more he became terrified and anxious of David.
It's good if you were on David's position, but what if you were on Saul's? Can you be acquitted from all the evil plans you have tried against him? Can you find resolution, a chance to change, when all you are is full of insecurities? (1 Samuel 18, 19)
Jesus said: I am the way, the truth, and the life. So when we find ourselves in the depths of anguish just like Saul's - a terrified and anxious soul, remember to come to Jesus. Because He, Himself testified that no one (else) can have the access into that vacuum we are into except Him, the Father. No one (else) knows the truth about who we really are, what we are going through, how's our day, or where are we today except Him, the Father. And no one (else) can ever have enough courage to tell you constructively the truth of what has become of you, with of course, remedies to offer. (John 14)
Just because Saul ended his life in the old testament in such a hard way doesn't mean he didn't have any reconciliation with God or something. I believe God loved Saul and he didn't want to make Saul do any ridiculous things that's why He decided to let him be in the hands of the enemies.
God is much much much graceful and merciful than before. We are now living in the generation where God loves everyone for every reason! So when we're headed for a fall or we're already knocked down, He'll let you stand and make you continue the journey of life. There's so much more of it and we just have to realize it. No need to decipher any codes behind everything but just simply appreciate how everything works for you.
In the end, God wants us to come back to Him. No matter how bad, no matter how dirty, how coward, how selfish we see ourselves. He wants us back. After all, Jesus came into the world for this very reason - reconciling us with the Father in a very easy way. It might be hard; the enemy whisper lies and you entertain deceits but: Don't let your hearts be troubled, God is to the rescue! He left us the Holy Spirit to be the Advocate of leading us to where we should be really heading, to who's side we should be walking with. And that is beside, side by side, following, being protected, and carried by Jesus.

Something great to post for August?

What do you think?

Hmmm.

I just realized that I don't have any recent album in facebook. I mean, it doesn't actually matter but you know, photographs tell the whole story, speak words can never describe and emotions hidden in reality.

Things beyond are things over understanding. Full of mystery, thrill and adrenalin. But somewhere, somehow, it feels strange. We become afraid of uncertainty. Just as we have started to walk believing everything is going to be exciting, in small bits it breaks apart.

Anyways, Intramural is coming on the first week of September. Time flies sure fast! And a few months apart from this semester, I'll bid my farewell as a student; and hola big gold world!

I don't know how I'll end myself with a few things. I mean, I want, no, I need to say goodbye to it if I have to say it. I'm not getting any younger you know? There are specially few things that I need to know and be able to do already as a young adult.

I want to be a beautiful blooming flower after I graduate. I want to explore myself in a bigger world. I want to soar higher knowing no limits in life.

Something like that... Only if I could.

I don't know what's in that kind of life that really interests me. I don't want no gold coins no crispy paper dollars for it. It's just that I want to do what I really wanted to do in life without any regrets. I want to live a life leaving the legacy "dreams do really come true" behind. I want people to continue to believe. To have faith. To keep holding into what they believe even if others are dumping every hope you prove to be.

That's how it works for me. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe this is just a wishful thinking but as long as I dare to dream, that this desire still burns inside me, that this hope is never fading, I'll never stop.

If it is in my time, then it is for God's glory. If it is not, it's not that it never or not meant for me, rather, God has a better plan - a greater plan for what I think is already great for me. And I'm looking forward.

I'm joining Dictocomp on my last 1st semester. I don't know about this competition much but it intrigues me like JSDHGIUSHDG - so I'm winning. I'm gonna win. I'm not sure nor confident but all I know is I want to win. It's something I think awesome. 
Loooord, lemme have this ooooooone pretty please?!
 

Off to retreat!

There are things better off not saying.
There are words better not to express.
There are wonders hard to explain.
And there is a love beyond understanding.

When things are so overwhelming, make a pause and look inside. You'll find something worth cherishing, worth remembering, and worth fighting. You might find reasons to quit, to be tired, to say you I am better along. But there will always be no reason why He won't let you go.

Its embarrassing when your mind play tricks on you.
I find it unfair when the heart even deceives you.
My soul gets weary and distressed yet so strong -
I don't understand but I don't give up, I don't want to.

A longing that only His desire can satisfy
tells me that I belong to a world beyond.
Beyond infinity, beyond what you believe,
beyond what everyone else can actually see.

The wonders of your creation
never fails to give me awe.
Your love for humanity
never ceased to end.

Oh how You love us.
Fill us with Your Spirit.
Make us stand in Your righteousness.
Give us courage and prudence.

You have been gracious to rise the sun.
The moon and the stars speaks your mercy.
Your breathe has been our life, our air;
You O Lord has nothing, no one to compare.

Find me when I get lost.
Help me when I can't stand.
Wipe away my tears when I am in despair.
Heal me when I am broken.

I have always have this hope
A confident hope that's never lose.
Even in the midst of the thick lonely rain forest,
it finds strength through the dews of dawn.

Make me stand on what You have taught.
Make Your words ring into my being.
Make me a vessel that overflows
Then I shall become Your channel.

Area no Kishi

I didn't expect this will be dramatic. *heavy feelings

Just as Suguru wanted to tell badly that dream of his brother becoming his ally, his greatest companion as a striker in the pitch, then that accident happened. That really hurtsss. >_< I'm carried away.

I never thought someone will die with the Last Pass.

 
These parts were like "I knew it! And his heart... And the problem..."
And Suguru... Reminds me of Sasuke, huehue.
I haven't finished yet. I'm still on the 7th chapter and I feel like not moving forward anymooore. My heart's breaking. Hahaha.

Into Shingeki no Kyojin

Bakit Di Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo (movie review)

Funny and so realistic! A full RomCom!

Bakit di ka crush ng crush mo is a movie based on the wit to book of Mr. Ramon Bautista. I don't know much about him but all of his creations are really worth reading. He is oblivious in everything under the sun. His wit comes from his not so critical but observant and the natural random thinking. He even makes you realize what is evident, what is common, what is obvious. Truth hurts but that's just the way it is.

Ramon Bautista is only one of the many authors in the country who has the power to stir up humor in the truth. This character is absolutely a gift. I love the way their mind processes everything. It so carefree yet so observant. They seem to not over stress themselves and just enjoy the complexity of life. He's also behind the famous youtube storyboard: the tale of friendzone.

I haven't read the book yet but I think the movie wasn't able to justify the title or the contents of the book. The plot of the movie was really lovely! It was very humorous with the facts about when being in-love. People seem to know a lot when it comes to love doesn't it? It's so easy to make an article about it or criticize it - make it and destroy it.

The 2 main characters in the movie, I don't know if they suit the character or they were the character themselves. It was as if, some excerpts in the movie came from their experiences which spices up the humor. The intensity of what they had recently experienced hyped the emotions in the movie.

As what I am saying, the movie wasn't really the book. Everything was beautiful but it just so happened that I guess I was expecting for something. Anyways, I enjoyed giggling with my 2 sistahs (Merajoy and Ate Roselle) who really had a 2nd round watching the entiiiire movie (No, Ate Roselle met her quotaaaa! She watched it 3 times already! HAHAHA)

So here's an OST from the movie

The story's a typical love story but the chemistry between the protagonists were really sparkling! And everything ignited when Ramon Bautista's brain was working in it.

I just realized that this movie is promoting OPM. So to all Filipinos out there, let's support our very own music industry! Music doesn't go old, it just changes. And I am proud to say that we are competitive enough for the industry. We've got lots of good artists, songwriters and instrumentalists! Filipinos are just so awesome and gifted and creative in this field. And for this, we have what it takes for that change.