Why are there relationships that hurt?

She believes in miracles.

I'm young, but old. I want to run away with the sunset and chase dawn when it's time to come home. I want to be with the ones I love. I want to be beside the vast sea. I want to watch the starfield sky. I want to lay bare in pitch-black darkness and just savor my luminating night. Solitude.

"but you didn't"

For sometime now, a viral post had us a ticket for The Feels Land. According to sources, this poem turned into comic was made by a lady who had her husband sent back to Vietnam as a military, and wasn't able to come back. The poem was said to be discovered by their daughter after attending her mother's burial.

And without any further ado, I decided to have it in this blog and share it to all of you. This is really a wonderful story of 2 beautiful hearts . Where others see love from everything, they had it in "But You Didn't."

Please download for a clearer version. Sorry for the inconvenience. :)

This is one great #relationshipgoal, my friend. 

For the hopeless romantic

Because I was just so excited for the development of this manga, Chihayafuru, finally! A moment of silence for this very special page please...

HAHAHAHA. I don't know if this chapter was that good or I was just caught up with this very page. Taichi! Preparing for a greater battle to be of worth beside her queen, I guess? Huehue. "It's about asking fate for a chance to come across each other once more." J-culture is really wired into this thing - destiny and compatibility. These characters were really into these cards that even a single character would make them recall, relate to understand what the other wants to say. Each card has a story, the more you can relate, the higher the possibility you can connect to it immediately in the game. Well, that's how I perceive their game and it's not like I know I how to play it. No. I don't. But see how connected they are? Hahaha. Relationships that work that way. The more you get into each others' business, the better you understand. 

Kapag mahal ka, Babalikan ka.

So what if di ka binalikan, di ka na din mahal? Eh different din naman yung di ka na mahal kaya, di ka na binalikan.

Mejo masakit ha. Ako kasi yung isa sa mga di binalikan. Kasi, di na mahal.

Last September 7, I saw him. After a few years of being haunted of what has become of us. I saw his face. After a few years of waiting just for that day to come, time flew immediately. Everything was so fast that even a minute didn't count. Even if I wanted to stay longer, I could not any longer. I could not barely look at him because for sure I'd be staring for long. I was shaking. I said 'hi', he smiled in response.

He was smiling. I was happy to see him. He was smiling. That was the last thing I wanted to see from him. He was smiling. I didn't regret my decision to see him. He was smiling. How could he?

I don't know if I was hopeful for anything when I had the chance to see him. But all I know was, I have to see him. Because I need to. Because I want to leave everything that excites me about him behind.

The pain resurfaced as I started rolling on my bed. I wasn't able to sleep properly. If it was possible, I might have a stared in nowhere 'til dawn. I wasn't particularly thinking of him but I wished to be with him a bit more. I wish I had the chance to talk to him. I wish I had the chance to hang out with him. To simply by his side until I lose appetite for it.

Was I hung up that much?
Do I love him still?
What am I really expecting?

I wonder why did I get hurt after seeing him. I wanted him happy. Sana with me. But it's impossible. The way he smiled at me, it was alive. Even without me, everything about him was beaming. He's like the coolest guy on earth!

I want to move on. Paano ba mag-move on? Hahaha. I'm not bitter, promise. It was hurting but I don't regret my decision to see him. I want to seriously get accustomed with everything about him and later on realize he's one ordinary thing for me nalang.

For some time, my prayer was this: (Ps. 139:23-24)

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!^[a]
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!^[b]

 "I wanted to make things right with God." This stand, I heard from one pastor over one podcast, really struck me. From then on, I could remember I was praying Ps. 139:23-24 within me. Well I wasn't really aware about it since it was casual for me to think about this person for a time or two. And maybe, just maybe, because God now is telling me that I have a new beginning through Him. He wants to deal with this issue in my heart.

Then it happened. Then I kept thinking about him in leisure time which wasn't really helpful or productive. And because of that, I took God's word for help (2 Corinthians 5:10):

⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

You might mistaken me for running away from this feeling. But this feeling is deceiving. We ended because it was wrong. I admit I am weak to handle him, but I would like to stand to my God's blessings and promises of New Beginning.

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.^[a] The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

 This verse has been my chant ever since the day. I am eager to find that new beginning. Now that I know that there's nothing I could expect from him anymore, except from friendship. I wished anew. I want to be refreshed from everything that has happened in my life that is continually running through my subconsciousness.

I WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH GOD. AGAIN.

He is just so gracious to give me this chance. And together with this, He allowed this blessing I would like to fight for: a chance to work in BIR. I don't know if my chance is slim or what but I'm taking the chance. I'm gonna fight for it knowing God is with me.

I'm gonna fight because He has given me a new beginning. Because I have my race to finish. Because I have dreams I wish to come true. Because I have to live my purpose.

Isaiah 43:18-19

¹⁸ “Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
¹⁹ Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.