Happy 21st, Rau.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

"A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you."

"In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct your path."

"If you have felt hopeless, hold on! Wonderful changes are going to happen in your life as you begin to live it on purpose."

"God is preparing you for greater things."


 

#psalm23 #psalm91 #proverbs3 #rickwarren

Twenty One

I know He's carrying out His promises into fulfillment. I see it coming true. Yet my eyes still couldn't believe it. My heart says to never fall for it again but His faithfulness shows.

For twenty one years, You have protected me. For twenty one years, you have been with me. For twenty one years, You are always waiting and calling for me. You never left me. You always held my hand even. You have always been my mentor. You have always left a word inside me, vague but has always been in front of me.
 
Thank You for the gift of life. Thank you for Your promises true. Thank You for making me grow. Thank You for changing me. Lord, it's time for me to bring back the favor to You. Let me share the opportunity of having a relationship with You to others. Help me discern your guidance.

My heart leaps with joy. An unexplainable feeling that it I am who I am. Whatever struggles I am in, I am victorious. No matter how the enemy tries to conceal You away from me, I will always come back to You, I know I will, always. The enemy will always get me in the wrong path, wrong thinking, wrong living. But Your Spirit will never depart me, Your light will always be my guiding path. 

I will fear no evil for Thou art with me.

Thank You because we will continue. 
Thank You because we will get strong. 
Thank You because we will meet soon.

That moment when that someone you love smiles back at you. Awww~

Kaichou's done. I've seen the raw already. Waaai. Usui and Misaki looks good together, both successful. And Aoi... so handsoooome! Hahaha.

One Piece! Hahaha.

I feel like my days are counted... Sigh. A few days from now, I'm turning 21 alreadyyy. I feel like shouting: CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE STOP THE TIME? Well it's not like I hate it but I feel like it's telling me, this time, face to face, to ACT MY AGE; to leave the things I should have left for a serious span of time already...

This is serious...

Really...

An outbreak...

I'm getting olderrrr! HAHAHA.

Thinking over

Say, have I not given everything I held onto for me to feel this way?

I kind'a feel unfair here. Saying that to others so casually,

Believe and it will happen; Doubt and you'll never find it.

When will I become immune with Your ways? I know it's good. I know that You have said to believe - even if there's no reason to, because You are faithful and Your Word will never fade away. I wanted too, You know that. But I'm scared, once again. When will letting go become my strength, tell me. I want to trust You but it becomes hard when I always deal with it. I know that You have different ways of bringing us up, You have different ways in dealing with us. Forgive me for feeling envious. I know I'm not the victim here but it kind'a sucks when I wanted to say "I've been there..." but it never worked. I guess it's not for me? Well yeah, maybe there's time constraint. But I don't want to believe in it again. It reminds me of the pain that it's not for me "again". And again, I wanted to just run away. Run, run, run into a far away land where everything seems fine. I don't wanna face troubles, consequences, failures, pain, struggles. I know that I still got rooms for it but for now, I had enough. I'm sorry for being an unlovable and ungrateful child. I'm sorry for always ranting this kind of fever to you again and again and again.

I just wanted to get healed, my Lord. I just wanted You in my life.

I know the pain and I can feel it. :/ Let it all out. No one wants you to suppress loneliness. No one wants you to keep depression alone. I'd rather see you breakdown in tears than know you pretend all day long. Cry until the pain the goes away. Cry if you see it necessary. Know that there are people who cries with you. They have been always beside you. Tears are beautiful. Just like diamonds, they shine in the dark. I love you.

A message for my cousin, Charm.

Gushing thoughts

You see, I was hovering over Regina Spektor's songs and wondered what were the meanings behind her songs. Of course, I was in hope, crossing fingers, that she be like Brooke Fraser. So you know what I mean? Her songs were lovely. Ever since I started hearing her songs way back years ago, that was Fidelity, I wanted more of her music. I'm always interested with the different kind beat, rhythm, melody, and all that it makes me tap my fingers or make my feet move. I read one comment from youtube, it asked why singers like Regina Spektor don't get that famous. Well, I too, asked that because I like her music. Then just today, I was seriously browsing about, not entirely her profile, but at least, things that could give me a hunch of how she does her item.

"She's a Russian Jew, whose family immigrated to the Bronx in 1989 for religious freedom." 

As stated by this site, I was not satisfied, so I looked into things that might actually answer my curiosity and bumped into this site where it happened to subjective interpretations of her song. One stated that, not because she's a Jew her songs can be labeled to as a Christian song... something like that. And I remembered what my Discipler said when we were having our one on one, she said that, music was created by God. And there's nothing to argue about it. Everything he made is good. So its upon the discretion of the one being entrusted with such gift in music how they will use it. Just like our lives, we are given the choice, the freedom, the free will, as to how we want it to have. And He is just always there. Setting aside the topic, I remembered a verse that goes like, "Salvation came first to the Jews, then to the Gentiles." And I was like, really God! No matter how people, lets say His beloved Jews, try to forget about You, there's no escaping in Your love!

If you happen to read the site I linked above, you will know why I am telling you this kind of realization. Or maybe, you might receive a different message. I don't know if it's better than mine. But one thing's sure, that is God's message JUST FOR YOU. That just can always have its forms - simple or grand, name it! That's something to expect from a God. Example was while on my way to the mall. It's already a familiar scene to me to see a traffic enforcer manipulating the way while dancing (yes, I'm serious, they're dancing) but today's Just so different. I stared, for quite sometime while waiting for our turn to proceed, to the traffic enforcer and just declared: How great are you Lord! Look at their hands, being able to communicate in traffic code which I can't understand but sure it's fun to see. Specially you see them smile, it makes you wanna greet them: Howdy Sire!

I'm amazed at how Regina makes her songs. At first, I perceived that some of her songs were lacking something, like experience, or something like it's the kind that it out of the blue. Being led to make such music, genius isn't it? I've always wanted to know the motives of her songs and guess what she said...

"Spektor says she can't explain the meaning behind any of her songs, because she doesn't so much write them as much as let them happen." 

Amazed? Another thing that amused me was the next statements to this...

One recent example is "The Call," her contribution to the soundtrack for the 2008 movie The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. "I'd been asked to write things before, and it always feels uninspired, wrong," she explains. However, she continues, the moon looked a certain way when she stepped out of the private Caspian screening in midtown. She checked her voice mail, and her friends had cancelled the cocktails they were supposed to meet up for, so she walked all the way home, went straight to her piano, and discovered the tear-jerking chorus: "You'll come back when it's over/No need to say goodbye." She sent a demo off to the folks at Disney, and three days later, she was flown first-class to London to record the song with a full orchestra for the movie's finale sequence. "It was one of the most pure things that ever happened to me," she says.

I was theorizing that God purposely did it that way because He wanted to fill His presence in that gap. No matter who are the people will He use doesn't matter, nor how the music shall be played. Music. He created it. And no matter how you see it, only the Master Creator is the only who knows how to use it well. It's no good to stay passive or leave things the way it should be. We are given the freedom to use everything, so why not use every resources, privileged given to know Him more? Remember that when you draw yourself near to God, He will draw Himself close(r) to you. This loophole thing reminds me of how God enters in our lives; on how he wanted so much of our attention everyday.

Try indulging yourself with Regina Spektor's Laughing With and tell me your insights about it. This was really controversial to me until I read the whole lyrics and realizations started gushing out in me. Mine would be summarized with:
 

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NIV)

 

Graudation Pictorial: Glitz and Glam!