What cannot be communicated to the mother, won't be communicated to the self.

I just wanna cry out and sleep this exhaustion away.

One step forward, two steps closer.

Everyone's into Nightbirde lately. She joined America's Got Talent and shared a bit of her story. She was fighting cancer for sometime now, and sang her original song for her journey with it. She gained a golden buzzer, and later on her faith was everywhere. She was worship leader and a graduate of it. I remember Job in her life... And maybe me... Reading and learning how vulnerable she is with the Lord... the anger, the disappointment, the hopelessness, the days that she's okay, and most when she's not... But at the end of the day, her relationship got stronger. "Jesus is worth whatever it is you're scared of losing."

Here are some of my take-aways from pain... from her life... from the Lord... 

1) Pain really has its way of opening our eyes who God is... where is He... what is He doing... It makes us realize that it's not about what we do or who we are... That it's not about us... But it's all about Him... We are His story that He personally penned... A story of a thousand hallelujahs... A story of "not my will, but Your will be done". A story of surrender to Him who calls, "Follow me" and "Come to me"... A story of becoming as we abide in Him and trust that He is "I AM"...

2) Pain is powerful. It's so much different when you hear someone profess Jesus in their suffering... you'll know if it's true... because the pain will reach you... and Jesus too... Just as Jesus knows what is  pain and grief for every single one of us... just as how He felt it all... at peak... 

3) Pain bares us naked. There's nothing hidden in who we are, for even the things we don't think exist in our very core comes out... our fears... our hopes... our cries... our worship... our need... our gratitude... our selfishness... and Jesus...

4) Pain is a picture of His great pursuit to us. You see, pain makes us focus on our fears and what we feel... it makes us think that God is far... nowhere to be found... and doesn't hear our prayer... and maybe punishes us... or doesn't love us... or really doesn't do anything... It makes us focus on ourselves... But when we look closer... He is where we are. Yes. Here, now. His pursuit never stopped even if we're blinded by our own concern. His pursuit never stops even if we choose to be on our worse to drive him away. He will come back to you. He will keep on returning. And knocking. Again and again. Until you He has won our hearts... our trust... our fears... Because there's nothing that could make Him love you less... Darling, He will not stop pursuing. 

5) Pain is very much acquainted with Him. That even in all of these, pain never fails to connects us to God and makes us closer to Him... Closer that we get to hear His secrets... Closer that we see what He sees... Closer that we find Him when we're on our knees... Closer that we get to hear His heartbeat... Closer that we feel how how He cares about us... I'd like to think that because He knows so much, and He cares so much about us, He feels sad when we're lost and don't know what to do... when we're in so much pain, and suffering, and trauma and it just a cycle... when all we want to do just lay at rest in His arms...

6) Pain is the place where we feel His love most. Because it's where everything is broken and there's nothing's good in us that He came for us. Remember, "It was not the nails that held Him there [at the cross], it was His love." Imagine going through all that and chose to finish until death, it's love. And even His resurrection, is His love for us. His ascension, is His love for us. The sending of His Holy Spirit, is His love for us. All this time, His love is His mercy, grace, kindness, patience for us to live another day. His love is His grace for us.

7) Pain is where God is the most real... in weakness, in brokenness... and the most beautiful in His glory. Here we are able to learn how the ironies of life can come together because of Jesus. We got to see the impossible come to life. We got to see death in light. We learn to trust, surrender, and have faith in him.

Pain makes us give and take one step... so we always stay where we are... but every single step, God takes two steps closer. Taking us by the hand. Though we may be in fear, but He calls us to trust Him as we go with Him through the deep and darkness. Because He is with us and is the light. 

As the Father is to Jesus, we can be confident, "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Until the day of Christ.