last night, i had a good time with the best of my HS buddies. well we weren't complete in the group though 'cuz uh, well some already had their classes resumed.
in the group we are originally those type who keep on laughing and talks nothing but funny things. i could still remember how gullible we can be when one of us would crack a joke and everyone will laugh. those times were nothing to compare, really. those times were worth it to cherish because its just once in a lifetime. and because the group is somewhat approachable, we extended in number. the original had a page though and i am somewhat relieved to that-thinking i'm a selfish one. our friendship started when we were still HS yet that was already at our last year. 2 in the group were the most i really had my life into. i was separated to them when we were on our 3rd year because i explored (let's say) a life that's somehow i don't really mind. hihi. well then, seems the Lord really gave them to me that's why no matter how difficult the times were, we stayed still to be the best of friends.
before, it took me a long time to make myself realize that i had friends, i had the best. i wasn't able to notice that they were treating me one already since i was defining friendship in a different manner. and again, i thank God for giving such understandable folks, that even though i lack attention just like a kid at this age, still they were so kind to me. i'm selfish and i do not really do stuffs like beautifying myself like them. others might think i might feel out of place but no; i don't really mind. i mean, i love looking at them being conscious with their selves, well maybe its just me who has this problem of using beauty products. they don't do stereotyping-i mean, i guess we sometimes feel, but we really don't do as much as possible.
i had a great time with them 'cuz it seems like we came back to the time when we were still at HS having this chit chat after lunch in the classroom. the difference this time was just that, we had this stuff at the park around 8-9 pm. wasn't it kind of growing up? HAHA. i mean we weren't talking adult stuffs, we laugh at it when we come to be serious and be back talking about our experiences.
last night, it seemed like i spent most of my time with them being silent. i mean, i feel like listening to their convo rather than intruding in it. its not like i don't belong or as if i do not know what they are talking, well in fact its somehow common to all. maybe i was still tired from the other day's escape in davao. but then, its worth it. i was able to hear perspective from them but i think i wasn't able to do my job during that time. i don't know but something's pulling me away to kind of share my experience God's love to me. i know God was disappointed because i wasn't able to speak and stand Him. i just keep on repeating in the convo: by me, i'll just wait.
today, i was able to compare the difference of having friends whom you rely on according to your need. i can say that i am emotionally poor that's why i need my pals by my side, but then spiritually? i'm far more poorer than those i know whose faith seems to be an unbreakable wall. i wanna have the guts to stand for Him, but i gotta problem with myself. i gotta deal with it. again, i gotta be reminded to kill the flesh and nourish the spirit. i need to be someone reliable. i must not resent over the past from time to time. i need to be someone who have good motives and intentions in the eyes of God. i wanna live a live a life of prayer. i wanna live a life with full of trust in Him. i wanna explore this life with Him. i wanna share HIs love to them, my friends who still doesn't know Him.
I need to seek in order to find Him; i need to just surrender this life without doubt or fear. i need to be fed by His word. i need to be patient. i must have prudence. i need to have wisdom to know what He really wants me to do. In time, in HIS Time.
