A girl's heart should be so lost in God that a guy must seek Him to find her.

Guards up!

I missed this! Blogging midnight with thoughts I can't even understand.

You see, I don't want to fall in love. No, not yet.

I have stated my standards already and as of now, I can't say that I deserve that someone if ever I already met him by chance.

It's been troubling me ever since the church has been opened with this kind of issue. Well, it's not like it's not a godly relationship but rather unusual. I grew up with those people focused about the well being of the church. And here goes these people strangled on their relationships as opposite sex.

I won't understand unless I wore and walk on their shoes. True.
And I don't want that.
No, not yet.

Priorities.

Dreams.

There's just so much I wanted to do and enjoy, and I believe that something like won't help me in achieving what I really wanted to do. It's troubling, awkward, tempting, annoying or envy. I'm still not up for that. I still want to learn more, move more, see for myself that I am doing what I wanted to do for the longest time.

But what do I want to do?

What is my cause?

If I were to evaluate my priorities, my family comes first and then my dream. My dream to become a versatile visual artist and inspire and tell the world that THIS IS BECAUSE OF FAITH; BECAUSE OF GOD.

But whenever I try recalling this, His voice never fails my hearing: PUT GOD FIRST. 
My priority, it should have been like that.

After a long journey, I have met this message again, PUT ME FIRST - in everything. I remember the sermon a while ago: IF YOU TRUST GOD FOR YOUR SALVATION, WHY WON'T YOU TRUST HIM WITH YOU LIFETIME PARTNER THEN? So this goes out for all the youths out there impatience to know WHO MIGHT IT BE.

But you know, one thing I realized in this journey is that, guarding your heart is really hard. Really, really hard. Specially when faces are the same? Fickles and Flings are inevitable, unstoppable. But what can you do?

Stand on your ground. You need not to stoop a level just to make it all even. No, you have your own calling and you need to stand on it. In everything, God has allowed things to happen in our life so that we may see how much He wanted us to be accounted as righteous. He allows us to experience it not just because He wanted us to be stronger but also He wants us to understand that there is no impossible to things we believe we deserve to have.

You and I have differences yet what makes it beautiful is how we fit in each other's holes.

I am not bitter. I might be afraid. But what is clear to me right now is that I have to fight for my top priority. And when the time comes when I need to face what I am most afraid of, then I believe I have been trained well to be able to be in a threshold in facing it.

There's just so much that I don't understand yet but I will wait, for my hope is in the Lord. 

For September :)

Hi October! My university days are really counted.