If I perish, I perish.

Esther

Then just this morning, I have been reminded of God about being a queen.

Then I told myself that I don't want to do anything much since it's important for me to keep my sanity, my security, my peace lowkey. That's one reason why I have to be away from soc-med. It gives me pressures and anxieties. It makes me unstable. It makes me see how shakeable and fragile I am. I don't wanna hate myself. I don't want to always find myself going over and over dramas. Quite from from being a Queen, right?

So yes. I'm overly sensitive specially in this pandemic. Specially in this pandemic. I'm threatened by my own relationships. Those I call my own, my beloved, I am afraid for both extremes. They're getting better and soon enough they'll forget about me. This season, I have called to live entirely by grace, yet I feel like everything about me is just so wrong. Comparisons. Accusations. Still, Queen you say?

Esther.

This Queen in the Bible was brought to me. I looked at her character type to somehow relate with her. A book I had didn't mention her and that quite puzzled me, since she's got an entire book in the Bible which tells me she is significant. However, upon reading resources, I was reminded that her book doesn't mention any account about God. She was a Jew brought into a foreign land, so basically she is largely influenced by a pagan culture. I don't know if this is the author's reason, but the content is still upon the author's discretion. But despite the zero mention of God in the book of Esther, God's Providence and Sovereignty is greatly showcased. Then I resorted over the internet and found interesting sources.

One noticeable character of Esther was her beauty. Her hebrew name Haddaseh means myrtle, a tree known for its beauty and fragrance. One source said that Esther was chosen because of her beauty. Her kind of beauty won the favor of her fellow maidens, which sooner made her Queen.

Imagine how God orchestrated everything by her story. There's always this one thing in us that God will use for His very purpose. I believe it can either be a strength or weakness. This reminds me of Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." (ESV)

Another compelling character of Esther in her book, was her bravery amidst the chaos that that was to happen. She became famous with the words from her cousin Mordecai, "Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?" A little context from the story, Mordecai learned that Haman (Prime Minister) was into a massive plot to kill all the Jews in the land. Mordecai was a Jew, so was Esther. Esther, her Persian name, has a root in hebrew - Hester, which means hidden. Her identity was hidden, and it was for some time of gaining comfort and favor from King Ahaseus.

The call of her cousin, awaken what was hidden within her. Sometimes, our greatest gifts are revealed under trials. She was not just hidden but asleep. It was her true identity that was taken away from her. But this climax of the story made her remember who she was, who her people are - a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own posession to proclain the excellencies of the Lord. Then her acts upon the proceeding chapters made her, and her character astounding.

She went to the King and pleaded for the life of her people, with her life on the line. She knew she would be killed with the fact she has hidden her identity, but this became the pivot of her story's turn around. She studied the standard and merits as a queen in the palace, to gain a favor to the King. As she enters the king's chambers, she was not only accepted but she was granted the ability to ask for anything that she wanted - even half of the Kingdom!

Can you imagine the confidence brought by knowing you that you are accepted and chosen by the King? Then you can hear delight from the King upon your presence, before what it is that you have to say. And hear this, you are told that anything you are to ask will be granted. Now, how's that? This is beyond favor, folks.

So to cut the story short, Queen Esther and the rest of the Jews in the land got the favor from the King. And Haman, the Prime Minister was punished. Her selfess decision to save her people, because she identified her self to be them. Her rulership was not control others, but her represent them.She carried the lives upon her shoulder. Lives under the pronouncement of death, yet because of her driven purpose, she continued 'til victory. Queen Esther was said to depict the Messianic role of Jesus that was bound to happen in the New Testament. 

Despite God's unidentified account in the book of Esther, we can see how He orchestrated everything for His people to be saved. That even they were exiles, far from where they should be, their home, God was still mindful of them. I couldn't help but just reflect on such goodness. I was reading the book of Nehemiah where in the people who were called to rebuild the ruins of Jerusalem recalled God's faithfulness. His mercy and goodness were pursuing despite His people's disobedience and unfaithfulness. And this story, God's pursuit of us never ceases. He continues to use all the good and bad stuffs in life to get our attention and get closer to Him.

And from the story of Esther, I believe God wants us to be reminded that we are accepted, beloved and chosen. And from this, I believe that He wants us to grow in confidence in drawing closer to Him. And that our season that seems bleak, or has tried to make us feel hidden, is probably one of God's way to prune and refine us until that very purpose day - "maybe you were made a royalty (name it) for such a time as this (wherever you may be)." 

May her story and character inspire us. We may not be as beautiful, charismatic or as valiant or as her, you are not another Queen Esther. But you will become as God intended you to be - Christlike. You have a place in God's Kingdom. 

You are accepted. 
You are beloved. 
You are chosen. 

Remember that.

"Daughter, daughter, find your beauty, no longer through the eyes of man. Dance with might, through rows of bondage. You were loved before the world began."

SEEK

"It's almost over now."

You are never far away, always reaching out to save. My weakness' covered by Your grace, and I am found forever safe.

naidlaw nako si'mo

I just want to go out. Regardless of meeting people or not, I'd like to walk on the streets, stroll in the park, or stay in the bay area.

This sudden rain brought comfort to every melancholic heart today.

The fear of God is the death of every other fear; like a mighty, it chases all other fears before it. - Charles Spurgeon

just what's your worth?

twenty eight

"Shaking can break you or it can become the very thing will cause you breakthrough... No amount of post-it notes will makes people remember, if God's timing is not ready... And for you, young people, please listen. When the fullness of time comes, everything becomes quick. You don't have to rush it. When the fullness of time hasn't come yet, you'll just gonna push and you'll just gonna get stressed. You can try as hard as you can, but it won't work, because it is not God... You can have two wings - you may have the favour of God, fear of God, but you do not have faith to push you forward, destiny will not breakthrough. The sound barrier will not break through. And God wants you to breakthrough that destiny, into the destiny He has for you... Faith is believing that God is for me and not against me. That God is the ruler of the all creations. That God loves me and cares for me. And when I do that, when I meditate on that, when I believe that with all my heart, I can find myself not becoming impatient but operating in faith." - Joey Bonifacio

S E L F - C O N T R O L

More than the Lord's yes or no... Having the confidence that even the Lord's no has it's yes... There's the Lord's direction: where to go, to stop, or to wait. The Lord always wants the best. Keep. That. In. Mind. 

day twenty seven

Philippians 4:6-9

Pray - to rely on the peace of God (v. 7)
Ponder - to think about the promises of God over and over again (v. 8)
Practice - to live it out (v. 9)

Peace is a quiet confidence within regardless of circumstances, people or things. 

slow and steady

"For better or for worse, through sickness and in health, through faith and in questions, 'til death brings us closer, you are Mine. You are Mine and I am yours, I promise."

day twenty six

"...someone who asks God how to love you."

It's sooo amazing to think that God has been dealing and loving us lavishly and uniquely. Imagine, God has been telling people how to love and treat you right. God has been revealing ways to certain people how to love you the way He wants His love for you lavishly and uniquely. God has been calling people to become His love in this world, even in your world. You are that special. Very, very special.

You are that precious. 

You are that loved and protected lavishly. 

You are a treasure. 

No more hiding, love.

God is so, so proud of you.

You are a beloved.

So don't you ever think that you are worth low-key. 

No, you are worth telling the whole world of your great wonders.

He is reaching out because you're most beautiful when you're living in this truth. 

That's where the greatest irony lies, your deep loves are the cause of your great pains... and the truest joy.

What novelty is worth that sweet monotony where everything known and loved because it is known?

The depth of your spirituality is contingent not in mere believing that you can be forgiven, but believing that you can be delighted in by God in Christ. We just don't want forgiveness, we want to be loved.

Thank you... it's something only God knows.

Jesus.

remain
remember
rest

abide
becoming
Christ-likeness

process
progress
prayers

faithfulness
loving-kindness
forgiving

generous
good
grace


thank You, Jesus!! 💕 🌼 ✨