Help me know You are near

I don’t know what to say but here are few songs that I believe, is the anguish of my heart:

I admit I have been passive the past few months with this feeling. I’ve been trying to ignore it and then concealing it with the thought: I am alright, fine, and strong. I keep on deceiving myself that my relationship with Him has no problem... That we are doing great...

But up until a while ago, I found out that I am angry with Him for some reason. I believe it was my spirit who already spoke the reason...

I hate to admit but that is partly a yes..

And as part of it, I want to face it now that its been revealed. I want to know the reason behind this sorrowful heart. I don’t want to forget how painful this feeling.

I want to use all my voice screaming...

I want to use all of my energy praising Him with this worse of me...

I want to cry it all out...

I want to just let it all go...

I just want to go back the way we were...

Painful but a very beautiful feeling.

My heart is still hard, my hands are still clenched to fist, and my being is still sealed lock away from You.

My Lord... help me.

Help me to trust and love Your ways, more than I have before. Unless I become someone who looks through the eyes of love, do not get me be too far away from Your heart.

Reveal Your truth as I wake and I take my slumber.

Remember to be merciful and forgiving to me, O God. I who screws up everything that You have beautifully made. I deserve death, nonetheless.

But Your grace has again called me to light.

"Come, my precious daughter." I hear You say.

As who I am right now...

Still Your grace abounds...

My heart is in pain to remember that I have been lost for a time.

But Lord,

I.

Am.

Back.

I’m for a great comeback!