Daig pa ng na-breakan ng boyfriend ang sakit na nararamdaman ko...
I, myself, was shock to know that I must now or might now end my disciple-discipler relationship with Cathy, my discipler.
Its not because I'm choked up or I am loosely held on, but, we need to grow.
Just as I have said, as what we have talked in Ate Angela's crib, she is strong and a capable leader. I respect her with her abilities, talent and as who she is.
I love her.
But we need to grow from our stance.
She is made for more. And I think it will make her stagnant if I continue to stick with her as her disciple.
We have the minds beyond a normal believer has and the heart that a normal person has.
I envision her to be the companion more than of this discipleship... More than friendship...
The partner that I could be able to talk to with my concerns without any hesitation... Someone whom I can eat with cake... Someone whom I can drink coffee 'til late midnight... Someone who can minister to me more than a discipler can do to me...
The kind of 2 way relationship.
I don't know how would you name that person but she's a soulmate in this battlefield.
She's meant for more, and that's something I know.
She has a beautiful spirit mended by circumstances around her.
Her strength, her passion, her wit - she's definitely unique.
And tonight, I am so hurt, that I might let her go...
Just as we talked that we won't let eachother go, yet still... We have to; we might have to.
This change, we have been waiting for a long time. And we don't want to waste any chance that has been given to us. We have prophesied, we have declared, we are given a vision. We were given the heart that concerns the church so much...
And to think that this change excludes us... is so painful...
And you know, I am somewhere lost right now.
I don't know why did I say that... Its as if, I want to go back and just zip my mouth.
She's been a fortress to me. A friend I never thought I could be able to have.
One thing I realized is that: fear to let her go is because I have been treasuring her so much like a very beautiful possession I have known for not so long time ago.
--------------------------------a week after (6/26/2013)-----------------------------------
Philippians 1:3.
It was a heartbreaking week, wasn't it?
I'm speechless but its rather more, I forgot what happened. It was painful for me, and I believe for you too. But it was beautiful.
Its not like I'm a sadist-masochist, but the pain made me realize how important you are to me... How I cherish when we sneak away from the crowd's confusion and just sit back, sip tea or coffee and talk about God.
I love the way we are.
I love how God made us compatible in some ways.
Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for being strong and be the person I need at times I lose confidence.
I honestly envy how strong and honest you are. Those strong points are really beautiful in my eyes.
Forgive for the times I left you when you needed someone the most. When your heart and soul is crying and no one comforts you, and I'm no where to be found. Forgive me.
Yet you have been a blessing to me. Someone that I wanna share with the world - the me of the past won't probably do that. thank you so much for cheering on me, for singing with me in karaokes, for the cake, tea, and coffee times, for staying up late listening to bands in the malls, for making me worry for you, for being a cute tail... for being so strong after all.
Your strength reminds me of Samson. But no pressure. You're not getting macho or anything because of that. And I know just like Samson, you can bar down lots lots of lions, giants, and walls in the future.
You are meant for greatness.
You are beautiful.
You are talented.
You are... AH! ATHENA. :)
God said: There's more.
So be excited. Look ahead.
Thank you for the allowing me to be a part of you. I know our relationship doesn't end here but its already TO INFINITY AND BEYOND. Thank you for supporting me all the way, for encouraging, for the silence at times I need it. You are someone that I am not afraid if ever I eat the words I say, or I have become hypocrite in my foolishness.
Thank you for just being the way you are.
I really thank God for having you. For the path we both took and for the freedom we both have gotten.
Thank you girl.
Words are futile. My mind can't give the exact words for the journey we've gone through.
Hoping for lots lots lots and lots of more adventure...
And now, not just only with the both of us...
But together with those whom our hearts have chosen to be accountable with.
Love you like a love song Diws. ;)
Sorry for being so gay tonite.
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