another beginning

I now see what if one's heart become hard, becomes a stone. well. i've this one big bro who's leading in the church i am attending. well recently, i was getting active and all in the church so i am aware of how everything moves. before, i only knew him because of his looks, definitely acknowledge him as a singer and became interested to him when a chuchmate shared to me about her admiration for this guy. now for several times, we were able to have some conversations though we weren't able to be as close as i suppose. we've got the same attitude, reserved but we've decided to tackle the either ways of the road. i know that its his hurts that made him that way but doesn't he acknowledge himself as a christian? why was he acting that way. yes, he's acting childish and i see that cute but can't he somehow act his age? i mean, decide maturely, see things beyond what normal eyes can see. don't mistaken me for judging him because i am not. i am sad of how his brain works. i am sad of why, for the second time around someone stepped out of the church. i am sad because why should it always end like this. they were all stuck up in the past and its very unhealthy. comparing is really a good thing specially when you are thinking for development, but once it gets you anxious, its no good. it would make you envy and do things which you would thought is God's will. i've been through his struggles now but i can't believe he gave up just like that. just because he was out he'll leave the church? i mean, he know the church needs him yet his acting arrogantly like "i don't know anymore". we was telling that the past ministry, to where he is being trained, was more of like a family. i believe it was one but because the other leaders quit, so that's how it is? they're going to leave it behind like that? yes, he tried, others tried to revive the team, but can't they seem to understand that its also themselves that's making it confusing? its because of themselves that's making conversation not properly conveyed. i wonder what kind of "try" was he saying. if he didn't give up, now, why can i feel that there's the tension going on? i mean, i can feel that somethings really up with the team. i guess he was tired but he must not give up. yes. i am hurt. i am hurt because i again see the problem. i mean, its been everybody's problem. the relationship inside the church. well its not a big deal when your making yourself open. i think its because they are allowing themselves to put a barrier that's why its making them hard to realize the joy inside a church. now concerning the way he is. well i heard a lot of rumors about how odd his attitude is but everyone is adjusting their ways to him as they say. well true because even his best friend decided to make a space between their relationship. sigh. he was just to hard. he really can't understand. i don't say that i am way to knowledgeable about him but what i was just telling him about my experience to which was really alike to what we just experienced. well i am not telling that we've got the right answers, the right ways to follow that's why i am sharing that to him, but what i did was to share the experience alone hoping he'll realize something. fail. sigh. i wanna tell him that experience: there was a time in a ministry that my friends and i were leading that we were blinded to what really God wanted us to do, thus, we ended up copying the program the past leaders were applying for the purpose of MULTIPLYING THE PERSONS in the ministry alone. now, this is not right as we came up to a lot of realizations. God was really God to us, never failed to let us see the light that what He wanted us to do is never be afraid of the future thus face the present - to which, is our own selves. He wants us to mature and He wants us to leave Him the anxiousness of the ministry's population. everything doesn't go for an instant snap of a finger and ka-boom! in others, you may apply it but i believe that God has purposes and that's something we need to see and nourish. I know that i cannot undo what that friend decided because i am not God, i cannot judge whether he made a wrong decision or what, but i was just sad with the thought, "we didn't chose the same path." you see, God is great. He told the ministry to where i am involve that it is not our job to increase the number of persons involve in the ministry He handled to us, but the Salvation. Yes, it is the salvation that matters the most in Him. bringing more souls back to Him. I know the church is not perfect and i don't know if he himself know about it. i can say that he was blinded by how the other churches are capable of increasing their population as fast as a blink of an eye. that was an issue to me too but i withdrawn it, to think the church i am attending back then was just like that. and to think, if they keep on doing silly things on their own, and be blinded by their selfishness, how will the church grow as they wanted. sigh. i know that i can't blame him if he feels that way because i really know nothing for real, really wasn't there when the church started to be something sad or like that and that i, myself see the wrong points to which I myself am afraid to work on. Blessed I am to have my team in the latter ministry i said because we, ourselves decided to be mature in God's time. patience maybe hard but we are holding all of God's promises to us, we are holding that vision to the church. i still have fears and i still get angry. i still have pride and admit that i am not perfect. but i'm going to do my best in bring out the best in the church to glorify God's name. i know with my friends decision, a lot of realizations will come up. it may not be the same but i pray that it'll be for good of oneself and God the best. whatever the circumstances may be, opening of hearts is really the best tool in situations like these. i may not be that person who saw the greatness of the church's past, but i am the present that knew that past, enjoys the present church i know and develop it in the near future. setting aside our selfishness would bring everything into one understanding, one wisdom, that is, to bring GLORY AND HONOR TO GOD. :)