This message came from a very beautiful soul this morning. She's a far away friend yet she's become someone close in my heart. She's a very good friend of my bestfriend, Quenny. I hear lots of amazing and funny and inspiring stories about her. She's Kristianne. A sister in faith. And anothet girl I admire in wit and perception. See her blog at: 0artreaction.blogspot.com
I know the same girl at school. She's Jessica. I bet they'd rather fit to really get along when they meet each other in person. When I see her, she's always smiling like there's nothing wrong in the world.
They've got the attitude I wonder why I didn't have. The attitude that could've made any situation in my life seem easier. The attitude that has the ability to warms the late night breeze.
A cheerful soul.
I am a grumpy one. I easily get angry due to time manipulation must be immediate or according to plan. See how stiff I am? Yet I wonder how ironic it is that I can't even discipline myself.
Anyways... my day was full of reflection, food, decision, reflection, sleep, reflection and tears. I was quite anxious, pressured and intimidated with the world surrounding me. Since Saturday, I was already rebelling against my responsibilities. Running away after another.
I hated myself for the complacency that resulted to low marks in the examinations. I hated that part in me that allows these nervous breaking things happen. It makes me sick and awkward in everything.
Yet this thing happened before.
And my spirit tells me that.
Yet I cannot comprehend due to I'm already too focused on the: what should've been.
I convinced myself that everything was fine. That everything's still good and it doesn't really matter because I will graduate this school year without delay. Well, it is a fact. An assurance from God.
Yet I broke down.
Then everything seems to throw me a: You are not good enough, never good enough. Fear started to creep in and I tried to keep everything under my control... Under my perception. For a while, I got lost. For a while, I let myself be drifted away by the waves.
This is how I manage myself: I try to be always be alone, yo be always away where neither I can talk nor think.
I didn't attended the Sunday service, I chose not to. Because I want to deal it myself. "No one will help - they can't anyway." Then accusations started to rise and concluded: You are alone.
And from that point, everything seems to fall apart.
Yet still words recalled in my mind: I will never leave you nor forsake you.
In the tempest of my struggle in despair, He showed Himself. His love unfold. His grace abounding; mercy overflowing.
The message from Kristianne started the revolution inside me. The battle was hard yet very beautiful. It was exhausting but so gentle... so caring.
As I seek Him, His messages unfolds before me. It was terrifying to trust... but that is how faith works.
Everything today, I can say, got no escape from God's kindness.
My day ended with a few reminders like:
DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGE FOR I AM WITH YOU
HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU
BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS
AND DO NOT FIGHT WRONG BATTLES
I was able to watch Nick Vujicic's testimonial gathering in the Philippines. If some of you don't know Him, he's an evangelist who goes around the globe and speak how God changed his life through His very own experience. And take note, he's got no arms and legs. For me, he's a definition if courage and what it takes.
I praise God for all that had happened today. I know it's still a long journey but I know it will help me to become the person He wants me to me. He will carry on on what He's started. It may not be as the situation requires, but He's never too late to rescue. And that's for sure.
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