day forty nine

The most important thing at the end of the day is our connection with God.

The other night, Ate Ciara checked on me and told her I'm tired. I wanna have a break in between of the new normal but I seem to be caught up in it. I was thinking "sayang ang oras" ... I was thinking "baka pagod din sila like me, so I have to endure a little more"... I was thinking "Lord, pwede one day na wala ko ginaserve?" I was thinking "Baka I have to go back exercising kasi anxiety attacks again or baka kasi I haven't drinking my med"... I was enduring kasi I'm just confident God is on my side. Little did I know, I got a little far off from where He is na. Then Ate Ciara told me, "My time with God is still the most important than anything else."

Then I realized, it seems I don't know to receive anymore... but I want too... because I need to. I have to live well for the next generation... I want to drop off everything. I hope for someone to be with me in my highs and lows... Someone I can run to, I can pour our with anything and everything with our hesitations... Someone strong I can lean on... 

You see, there's a fault here.

When God calls you, He calls you for Himself alone.

You and Him, before others.

No future to consider. 

No past to resent. 

Just today, this moment, you and Me.

This is what it means to be a child.

You have been watching Cara, right? 

You cherish her. 

You delight at the memory of her. 

You want nothing but the best for her. 

You feed her. 

You love her. 

You keep her safe. 

You talk to her even late at night. 

You make sure she sleeps properly. 

You love checking on her. 

And you just love being with her.

That's what I want to do to you.

No pressure. 

I just want you to listen over me.

My love is not too hard to understand. 

Yes, it is strong, steadfast and relentless. 

Yet is still, gentle and true. 

I don't want you to rush.

I don't want you to receive for others, to get better. 

I want to lavish it to you because I love you. 

With nothing else to gain, with nothing else to give, 

With nothing else in exchange, with nothing else to expect. 

And this is why I pledge my allegiance fully to You. 

This is why there's nothing, no one compares to You.

Your Presence there is fullness, forgiveness, faithfulness. 

Forgive me Lord thinking I can ebb and flow alone. 

Forgive me Lord for thinking I'll be satisfied with someone else. 

Forgive me Lord for thinking your love is found in what I do. 

To my King

To my Lord

Jesus

Thank you. 

Thank you. 

Thank you 3000. 😭

Your grace leads home. Always.